It is easier said than done. Even with in-home services it is still overwhelming. The article has the assumption people can be easily moved from location to location. This is not the case when your loved one is bed bound and can’t move and needs an ambulance service to be moved. I get care 4 days a week for wound care and IV changes but it is still a full time job with only 2 hrs a day for free time and sleep which is always interrupted. My sheep doctor says I am only getting 4 hrs sleep per night.
Financially there are many options if you are not married (like parents) but not if it is your spouse. I have given up my job to focus on care. The entire system is broken I need to go broke q
qualify for assistance which will leave me nothing for the rest of my life ( I’m 63). You can’t even divorce since the gov will still go after assets for 4 years plus after a legal divorce. Never could happen if the creditor was not a gov agency.
so OP what can one really do when it gets really bad and still a a life and future.

It is so important for family caregivers to take time away for their own mental and physical health. These are great resources. I also found this article helpful in encouraging me to step away for a recharge: https://homewithyou.com/help-family-caregivers-recharge/

Thank you for these helpful resources. Family caregivers take on such an important role when caring for their loved ones, and it's too easy to feel burnt out and overwhelmed.

There wasn't a single one on this page that was even remotely affordable for me. Lower middle class - zero is available as most of us, due to employment, qualify for nothing at all. Believe me, I have checked and been turned down. According to state agencies, I make too much, even though I am stretched almost beyond comprehension every month. We are strapped in so many ways, yet that is not even considered; only income, which looks good on paper if you don't consider that most of mine goes to the mortgage company for my ball and chain, otherwise known as a home. So I am still stuck with zero resources and zero respite. For me, it is not parents; they are gone. I was my mothers primary caregiver, as I am the only daughter, but that was several years ago in WA state. I live in Illinois and am pretty much the sole caregiver for my husband, in addition to working full time. I live exhausted.

Respite has become my main focus in recent months. I've been caregiving/living with my mom for 3 years. I have no backup and I am more than frustrated with the well-meaning advice I get about finding a person, the acknowledgment that it's hard and there aren't enough resources. Access to respite shouldn't depend on where you live either. It's time for new resources, new ideas, real solutions...I am certain that not all resources have been tapped and not all providers even "know" that they are missing a huge market. Also, caregivers need to band together and come up with workable solutions. Some days it feels like this is a "sentence". That is no way for a caregiver to feel - like they have no way to escape. It's not fair to the care recipient or caregiver. It's time for a new kind of hope and change!

Caring for a parent in your home is a full time job, that relatives who are not doing often do not appreciate. This article has many good ideas. I would like to add that a caretaker should learn how to meditate. Give our self 20 minutes of inner quiet every day. It will make a big difference over the long term. There are lots of instruction resources online or in your community.

Caring for an older adult can be as challenging as it is rewarding. In many cases, the family is the primary source of support for an older adult who is no longer able to care for him or herself alone. The responsibility can be demanding, not only on the family member's time, but also on personal energy, resources and health.

I think this is 100% true. My mother is caring for my grandfather and she is going crazy. This past weekend, my husband and I surprised her with a visit and she began to cry. My grandfather is not going to agree to go an Adult Day Program to give her a break, so I am looking for help that will go to their house so that she can leave for a little while. She has no help and he is not friendly. I try to help, but they live in Chicago and I live in Indiana. I am also working and in school. I am trying to find a way to help her because I am afraid I am going to lose her. If anyone knows of any programs that will go to their home, please post a comment so that I can tell her. Best Wishes to All!

What are you asking, cjsnyder?

how do I apply?

How can I find an assistant person to help me at homr with my Grandmom I know not can

Thanks, Tim,
You are quite correct. I remember the IRS auditing a business client of mine a number of years ago and deciding--even though the owner cut down trees and had them transported to his little sawmill to cut up into raw uncut lumber (no way he had the equipment to do 'finished' lumber) for sale on the wholesale lumber market--that he was in fact a retail lumberyard. The IRS can whatever it wants, whenever it wants and to whomever it wants as the proverbial 800-pound gorilla.

What I was suggesting is a work-around--legally--to avoid families having to pay caregivers' FICA, etc. (Officially the IRS will classify ALL caregivers, even baby sitters as employees.) Although I am a personal friend of the trust officer involved here, I am not privvy to the details of this case. When 'caregivers' --both independent and agency-- rank third and fourth in the '5 Largest Areas for Fraud Perpetrators (behind the categories of 'Professional' in first place and 'Family') according to the largest study of its kind 2009 and updated 2011, I'm for giving families a break wherever possible. But one needs '...the services of a competent professional...' (as the disclaimer states) who is able to think outside the box strategically and do it according to the law.

I remember suddenly coming to my own shortcomings and the myopic discipline shortcomings of others about 30 years ago when working with an attorney and CPA on a turn-around project. As a marketer, I looked at the business as a marketing problem--all we need is more sales. The accountant looked at it as an accounting problem--you are shooting yourself in the foot tax-wise by not putting your numbers in the right buckets. And the legal beagle looked at the business as a 'legal mess'--because your vendor and supplier agreements are virtual holes for your finances. Even though we were on the same team and supposed to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the business, we each had our own little presentations to the board in a look-at-how-smart-I-am competing kind of way. Sure it was subtle, but we all knew 'it' was there.

Once the three of us had our private off-site 'get serious' meeting and realized how we must sound to the owner, the business returned to very robust health--because we all had very cogent points that simply needed to be congruent. But we weren't working together and once we started flying in formation in congruency, the business blew the doors off of its market.

I think of all the hundreds of estate planners I have met over the years, virtually all of them were fiercely loyal to their clients. And virtually all of them were possessing of good hearts. Yet probably about 80%+ of them viewed 'working with clients' the same way--as far as I could tell--in a cookie-cutter fashion. Of course that is due to the laws, SEC and fiduciary responsibility they have, but what I saw was/is still a herd mentality. We all get in that rut, believe me.

However, Tim, I am sure you are in the 20% category for your clients and I applaud you. I have a friend of mine, now in our Maryland House of Delegates, who has a very successful business and once a year gathers all his advisors together. He buys them lunch, pays them for their time for the 2-3 hours and during and after lunch he has his investment people/person, his insurance people, his accountant and lawyer there to each give a little talk on what they were each doing in their role in his business. It is now a business that grows even with an absentee owner who must spend more of his time at our Maryland Assembly in Annapolis each year. I keep wondering why some marketing guy doesn't find a way to bundle a package like that of local professional service marketers!

So again, you are so correct. The IRS probably WOULD have classified the cargivers as employees under normal circumstances without someone who would fight for/with them. But my trust officer friend has been doing this for 38 years and has it down to a science...even chatted with IRS' supervisory folks about it. But even he advised me against trying to bundle that in some way to take to the world as any good marketing guy would want to. "People will screw it up," he said, "no matter how connect-the-dots you make it." And he's no-doubt correct--and maybe was subtly talking about me screwing it up!

Thanks again for your response! Really appreciate your site.

Re " the trust officer set up payment out of the elder's account. He simply 'gifted' (per IRS pub #950) each of the caregivers the money that happened to coincide with their hours. Ingenious idea."

A gift is different from a payment for services rendered. Based on what you describe, I would be concerned that if the trust is audited the IRS might decide that this was a mis-classification of what should have been classified as wage payments.

Thanks, Tim Colling,
Really appreciated your website...I know this is a LONG time between posts, but I wanted to respond to your answer as to 'you are the employer' for your cargiver.
Having care for several 'dads' of friends and being part of caregiving teams was the neat way, in one of the situations, the trust officer set up payment out of the elder's account. He simply 'gifted' (per IRS pub #950) each of the caregivers the money that happened to coincide with their hours. Ingenious idea.

The Lord led me in a different way as to working with elders in making them aware of elder fraud and elder financial exploitation (two different crimes). I didn't even know what elder fraud was three years ago and my wife and I buried all four of our parents and settled estates with siblings--and all went smoothly. It wasn't until I read a story in the Washington Post about a lady that was defrauded of over $400,000 in her nest egg and did not have enough money to bury her husband that something inside me 'snapped' and I knew I had to do something. The article had the phrase 'elder fraud'. I Googled it and the rest is history.

Steve

Adding to the overwhelming influx of disorganized information isn't really helpful. Most of us, it seems, need to find volunteer assistance more than paid assistance.

I started out thru the proper channels. I contacted a local assisted living facility for my 83 yr old dad because I really needed a break asap. The person who runs the facility and a nurse came to the house and said all I have to give them to start everything is the 1823 form from doctor. I requested it from him 4 days ago and am sleeping most of my days away now because I'm so exhausted and had no constant respite. Thanks Dr. Moreno............Florida

Re your point, "If you get someone from another source you have to depend on whether they did a complete screening.":

If your state requires licensing that includes requirements for such screening, then you should be able to rely on that. If your state does not require such screening, you can ask whether or not the agency is "certified" or "accredited" and if so, by which organization. Here in California, the state does not provide any licensing, regulation or oversight, but there IS a certification available from the California Association for Health Services At Home, also known by its initials as "CAHSAH". In order to be certified by CAHSAH, companies have to provide proof to CAHSAH that they perform the screening processes that CAHSAH requires for its certification.

- Tim

I am not a spokes person for care.com. I am registered there because at this time my Mom is not so needy that I cannot work. It also has jobs for baby sitting and pet sitting. So, I am looking for a little work until Mom cannot be without me. Just wanted you to know. I know some cannot work outside the home and I am dreading that time. I don't want to feel trapped. I will need someone to come in and help me out when that happens. I am also exploring my options. All my family is out of state. So, I am the only one at this time to provide Mom's care.

Good point. It is just a suggestion. If you get someone from another source you have to depend on whether they did a complete screening. I worked for one such company and I do not remember them having me get a TB test. You do not have to pay for the persons taxes, either. They can be a 1099 worker and then they are responsible for their own taxes. I know they do a background check; I am registered to work for them. If the person that wants to hire wants to pay for a more detailed background check they may pay extra for it. I think that is $99.00. I paid $8.00 for my own background check and that covered any known felonies, etc. The other that is paid out of pocket by the employer goes deeper as to credit, etc. I think. I am not an expert, but people should do their own homework and check it out. We have the right to be informed and to make up our own minds. I am only saying that we are not professionals, just people trying to care for our parents and we need to research, research, research. It is hard to trust our family with other people. I felt the same way when I would take my son to day care centers. That was a nightmare and I feel I am going to have to go through it again.

The thing you have to know about care.com and all the other newly arrived similar sites is that (1) YOU are then the caregiver's employer, responsible for taxes, workers comp, overtime, etc., and (2) those sites do little or nothing about screening the people who sign up there, so it is up to YOU to know what to do and how to do it, such as criminal background checks, TB testing, drivers record checks, bonding, workers comp insurance (and bonding and workers comp coverages are NOT included on most homeowners' insurance policies unless you ask for, and pay extra for, it.)

One problem with trying to use eldercare.gov is that is only reports upon Medicare-certified home health providers. In many states, including California, that means that almost 100% of the companies that provide home care / companion services (i.e., respite services) will NOT be included on eldercare.gov!

In those situations, you have to look elsewhere. One of the best ways to proceed in that case is to do Google searches that describe the services that you want to find AND the geographic region that you're looking in. An example of such a Google search phrase is "Caregivers in Carlsbad, CA".

Tim C.

Anyone looking for respite assistance, be sure to check out the link that Mike from Arch provided: the Respite Locator Service at www.respitelocator. org

Its a fantastic resource.

If there is an office for the Aging in the area where you live, you might contact them. Ours is in our county offices. Some churches offer a volunteer helper service so checking with a church office might find help for you. Keep looking and don't give up.

I don't know if u can get a Dr to put her on hospice, or even if they have one there. Hospice has volunteers in FL who come for 3 hours periods. They also give free meds, and a cna who comes 3-5 times a week to bath her free thru medicare. They provide hsoptial beds,chairs, pottys etc free thru medicare too. good luck.

I wish I were in Dallas...I would Love to utilize this service. Thats a wonderful idea. And very noble..however I am in a little baby town in MI ...that has rarely any resources. And there needs to be some in place. I have even considered relocating her to another state. It takes a lot of funding and switching of doctors, insurance, and starting all over. I often wonder if it may be worth it for more resources. Thanks for the input. I wish you well....

I get 4 hours a week respite. I am told this all the resources the area I live in offers. I have searched and searched for additional time. 4 hours a week just is not enough time when caring for my mother 24/7 I work full time as well, I have no financial backing to pay for any respite. I am the sole income in the house hold, my mother receives no money at this time, I have applied for ssi. But this process takes forever, How do I obtain more time to ensure I stay healthy? I am feeling really frusterated and need to take care of myself, before I have health issues. If anyone has suggestions please help.