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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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As a caregiver, recognizing that you need a break is so important for your own mental wellbeing. Like others mentioned, the stress may always be there, but trying to "unplug" every once in a while to focus on one's self should also be a priority.
I know now that I'll never be able to take a 'break' from caregiving, because the underlying stress will always be there... It will always haunt me... Until the end of my days... (I live in a no-win cargiving world).
You should not put a caregiver in an unsafe situation, as suggested by the paragraph discussing laundry. The paragraph can be interpreted that it is acceptable to have a caregiver use unsafe stairs to reach the laundry area. I suggest that you check your homeowner's insurance policy to determine if your insurance covers injures to persons hired by the home owner, either as a direct hire or employed by home health care agency and hired by you. You might want to employ the "best friend" test, i.e. would I expose my best friend to the same conditions that I am proposing the caregiver use. If the answer is no, then you should consider fixing the unsafe conditions before you hire a caregiver. A extremely competent caregiver is an extremely valuable asset in your caregiving tool bag.
Yes for awhile hospice would come over and assigned a volunteer to come visit while i could get away to grocery shop or get my hair done but it did not last long as my mom ran them off and she can get mean. She seems to want to be a recluse and no one come to the house.. it was her property and they were there against her wishes. She asked them what she had to do to get rid of them. Then told the social worker she did not want any hospice on her property. So that ended that.
Whitediamond.....there is so much help out there. Even if they don't have money, there is medicaid, govt. help......Seek social worker immediately. I also take care of my parents, mom is in alz/dem. facility and dad is in another facility with a drs. appt. tomorrow for him, many, many drs. appts. I also don't have any help and it's demanding, tiring, you name it. I'm 63 and some days I feel 93. Please seek help for YOUR health's sake. Your mother is sick to tell you that's why they had you. You don't need that in your life and you are too young to continue on this way. Please seek help.
.....And that list is exactly why I don't go away. It's like needing a vacation from your vacation. I handle the "day to day" life of 3 elderly and disabled family members. I'm the only one left to do so. Everyone else moved away and, frankly, I don't blame them....and they've made it clear they are NOT coming back to help out. I've been doing this for almost 3 decades, and it's gotten worse since my dad passed away 5 years ago. As my demented mother tells me every day, "This is why we had you...to care for all of us when we got older". Yep, that's all I do. I've lost one marriage, two long-term relationships, my friends, my child, my grandchild, my life, my career, and totally wasted my education....and the list goes on and on. My other sister and my kids all have their lives (or have moved away) leaving me here in this hell. This "life" will be my death. I have more gray hair than my 83 yr old mother, 60yr old sister, and 57 yr old brother combined. I'm the oldest looking 54 yr woman ev-rrrrrr. :-) All I want to do is run away, but SSA says I have to find a responsible Rep Payee for their SSA checks and can't just "dump and run" as their customer service person told me today. Here's the kicker, my disabled siblings already live in "assisted living" and my mother is in a senior apt complex. So much for "assisted living"...assistance with what exactly? They sleep there, eat there...but I do everything else, dr apt, shopping, family gatherings, visits, adult daycare travel, care meetings, bills, etc. God, I hate my life. So "vacation" has never happened, and never will happen. H*ll, I can't even get a day to myself to do my own shopping OR I'm so tired I can't even think straight. Thanks for the article....it makes this girl dream a bit. Unfortunately, the phone will start ringing and wake me up. :-)
I would like to unplug by being able to go away with no planning and let someone else completely take the burden away while gone.. all this talk about planning and checking in..wears me out. :)
That's why I stopped taking vacations with him 4 years ago. I had to do all of the planning, driving, packing , and at the beach he couldn't remember how to put a beach umbrella in the sand. Or to carry a chair for us to sit in. Way too much work. Then I got sick on the 8 hour trip home. I had to drive for three hours with an upset stomach. I had to keep stopping to go in every bathroom along the way! (on I95) It was horrible! When I got home, I called ahead and had them clear a path to the bathroom when I got there. I was sick for 5 more hours after arriving home. No more vacations without someone who can help if needed! But this summer I am going on a Respite. It should be better. Going with my daughter and her family!
Didn't quite make it out of town today. Will try for tomorrow. Dad still having problems so just don't know if I will make it to family wedding. To JohnJoe, I totally get it. I do the same thing for my stand in. In this case it will be our son who will be on call. He is VERY close to his grandfather and aware of everything but not EVERYthing. He has a job and kids to tend to which one is sick at this moment. I'm still holding out on that wedding get away. Tomorrow afternoon will be the cut off. Hope he makes a turnaround.
Hello Carol, Your article on how to unplug from Care giving is A+ as this is the correct way to do this. In My case I find by the time I have delivered all the do's and dont's to My stand in Carer, Im mentally wrecked, SO I begin to question Myself " Is it worth the effort of taking ME TIME ?
My 94 year old mother and I have lived together for 7 years (2 of which she has had dementia) and does need my help particularly with her meds, checking account, meal prep and other things for her short term memory. I took a 3 day vacation in January 2015 with a friend. It was great and well worth it. I had someone stay with her round the clock. I'm planning another one soon as I realize it is a good idea and a necessity.
Funny about this Unplugging thing. Was supposed to leave tomorrow for a family wedding and will postpone a day due to my dad. He lives in a retirement facility (mom is in alz facility), 92 1/2 yrs. old and up until 10 days ago fairly good. Well, I knew this would happen when I said yes to this trip. Keep prayers and fingers crossed for me to go. Really want to. He's lost 10 lbs in 10 days. We are trying to figure this out. I also love this site. God Bless everyone.....
This is an excellent article. The one time I took a vacation (3 yrs ago?) I followed these steps exactly. Mom wasn't as bad then so all went well. Now though, at the stage she is in, things would go badly if I tried to get away. I understand the need to do it - for both of us - but the price isn't worth it. Maybe when she gets to the next stage ...
This site is wonderful. A part of me wants to just jump in my car and head straight over to (for example) katie222's home and invade her space to take good, good care of her loved one while she runs away for a respite just for herself. A spa, the beach, a motel where she can just use the pool, pig out on doritos and tv..whatever! It helps all of us to vent to one another. We are really good people..ALL of us are!
Hi Leaky, men post also, but I'm sure it's just as hard on both sexes! So happy you could get your break and get some sleep!! I've realized that for my mother...she doesn't need her family to be there for her 24/7...she just needs to be kept clean and comfy!! My mother sleeps most the time now...and I'm happy for her...cause that's really all she needs now. Good luck to you...and keep taking your breaks...u will feel much better!!
Just put wife in respite for 3 days to see how she would handle I was pleasantly surprised so will do it again next month (can't remember whenihadsucha good sleep)
Wow Katie222...what a LOAD on your shoulders!!! I sure hope for your sake that sometime in the near future something comes along your way to help take care of yourself. I hope my mom passes very soon, because she is continually getting worse...what a life!! Poor thing, it breaks my heart to see her like this. I have a feeling this might be my last 'run away from home' vacation for awhile...so thank god I have this one! I sure wish you the best Katie222...you have way tooooo much to deal with!!!
Oh and the brief respite I got while she is in rehab was spent in the ICU with my husband getting a second heart procedure...I could use a vacation more than anything. My not going on vacation is not a matter of choice...I would love to go if only I could.
lifeexperiences, I am not one of the lucky ones. It is extremely stressful for me ...my Mom is 92, bedridden and has constant UTIs, a stage 4 coxxix wound sustained in a rehab facility last June, she is continually fecally and urine incontinent I clean her 8x a day at least, from radiation treatement 13 years ago for a cancer they said would kill her in 6 months...13 years ago. I cannot get her onto a toilet, she must be hoyer lifted into her wheelchair, and of course I cannot get her in and out of a car and have to hire a wheelchair van driver to take her to appointments. I fall into bed exhausted most evenings right after dinner...and have to get up within a couple hours to clean her again and again. UTIs are a constant threat as is delirium that goes with them. I do not consider myself one of "the lucky ones". I have no siblings and just cannot leave my Mom in that condition and go off on some cruise as much as I would like to that... just isn't gonna happen.
Hi Katie 222, I guess you're one of the lucky ones, it's not as stressful for you. I can't afford to get sick because if I did, my parents would wind up in a facility and that would be far worse than my parents being at home with me. We do what we can do, for me, it was leaving on a vacation...no matter what. People could only do what is best for them. Good luck...
I am leaving my husband in a VA facility. They will pay for most of it! I just found that out last Thursday! It will be so hard to leave him. And I do not look forward to that, but after four years of being here 24/7, I need this week away, I will stay with my daughter and grandchildren on our beach vacation.
lifeexperiences, I do, and probably many others remember taking some great trips before they became caregivers and know full well it is worth it.... but no amount of money can get some of us away because of the bad health many of our loved ones are in which could interrupt a trip, and the no sibling factor.
Marci C.... I paid my brother $1000...and yes, I got comfort by the fact that he is a relative...and paid about $3500 for my trip. I do use my parents SSI along with mine...and have some savings. Is $4500 worth it?? OH YES IT IS!!!
If you can do it go, but some of us have no siblings and don't get that kind of luck. I hate the thought of strangers in my home...my neighbor has 24/7 caregivers barrelling in and out of her home all day and night and the cigarette butts showered all over that area of the condo complex are just awful, not to mention things missing from around the complex. If these helpers are like this what are they doing inside? So only if you have siblings would I do this or some rare elusive trusted person.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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10 Tips to Help You “Unplug” from Caregiving
I suggest that you check your homeowner's insurance policy to determine if your insurance covers injures to persons hired by the home owner, either as a direct hire or employed by home health care agency and hired by you.
You might want to employ the "best friend" test, i.e. would I expose my best friend to the same conditions that I am proposing the caregiver use. If the answer is no, then you should consider fixing the unsafe conditions before you hire a caregiver. A extremely competent caregiver is an extremely valuable asset in your caregiving tool bag.