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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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America is callous toward caregivers! You won’t care for your loved one or even offer them a drink but lay your guilt out on us. The abuse starts there!
It has been over a month since Bethere wrote us, and she hasn't returned to give us any details as to what her experience and frustration is. That doesn't help in providing any answers. I can only say that the CHOICE to be an in-home, hands-on, 24/7 caregiver is an almost impossible job description. When taken on by family it moves the caregiver out of the description of relationship such as daughter/son, spouse, niece/nephew, granddaughter or grandson into the realm of being caregiver.
Caregivers tend to have to manage everything from meds to foods to cleaning to appointments; this requirement makes them seem less like a beloved family member and more like "the boss". And few love "the boss".
It's a thankless job. When I was an RN I loved it, but I worked three days a week and had 5 weeks vacation, 12 ill days a year, 12 holidays a year. And GREAT pay. What was there not to love. But it did teach me that I could never in a million years take this on for family, no matter the love I had for it. And I would never have tried to do so.
We often get notes from caregivers telling us of their grief and disappointment to be left alone while siblings do not visit or help. I am certain there is a bit of guilt. But I also think that the siblings may recognize that this job isn't sustainable. It is killing. It is torture. And there is no thanks for it at all, because the elder being cared for so lovingly often resents and rebels against the caregiver.
I hope that Beth was simple venting a very bad day, and that she feels better and that accounts for her absence from Forum. But her note to us here, and our answers, may help others. I hope so.
There is no perfect in aging care. And at times it is impossible. For myself I think it requires of caregivers more than a human is capable of giving without losing him or herself. I think one must recognize when something isn't working. Throwing ourselves on the burning funeral pyres of our suffering ones can be a sacrifice that is a slow and painful burn. And there will be little thanks for it. When we take on more than is HUMANLY possible, when we choose to think we can be godlike or saintlike it is a sort of hubris. We are flawed human beings with limitations.
I can FEEL the pain Beth is going through. I hope she's better a month later.
This all goes back to choices. If you choose to be a caregiver you need to know how thankless a job is. Family is not required to step up. But they also should not complain about what you are doing. People don't help for so many reasons: they can't handle being a caregiver, they don't know what to do, they have other obligations they can't abandon, they fear being dragged into doing more than they can handle, they have history with the person needing care and would not be able to help without utter resentment. The list goes on and on.
I don't want to be rude but if you are a paid caregiver and do not like your job or the responsibilities that it entails then you need to find a new line of work. When you are paid to do a job some people will expect you to do it because they may not know what they can drink, if they are allowed a drink or they may fear they would choke.
I have been battling with my mother's sister all day. She says that I'm giving up on my mother. Keeps saying things like "Did a doctor say this?" She never can seem to find the time to sit with my mom, even when I must go pick up prescriptions and get food for my family. Our last conversation ended as a screaming match with some choice words at the end. My mom had several severe strokes while in the ER with a kidney infection, a raging UTI, and a kidney stone.. she had gone septic. My aunt thinks a little PT will do it. She'll be right as rain. Spoiler alert: she won't. I'm treated like a villain for doing as my mother wishes. It's ok, I have thick skin. But man.. seriously?
Are you a hired aide or a family member caring for a LO? Yes, there is a difference. As a hired aide, you can quit. A family member can't quit.
I have always been respectful to aides. I want to be on their good side. I totally realize that they do the dirty work. My daughter started out as an LPN, the supervisor of the aides. She was very aware of the job they did and appreciated them.
So sorry you get dumped on. It probably stems from guilt and not understanding what your job encompasses.
The lack of care for caregivers is astounding. There are real situations and circumstances where siblings, children honestly can't help with hands on care. However, there are other ways to help the caregiver. Start by showing them some appreciation and acknowledge that they are making sacrifices in their own lives to care for a loved one. For those who just don't step up and relieve the caregiver: I don't want to hear about your latest vacation or house remodel when you only spend 2 days a year with your 91 year old father! My husband said this when he had to travel overseas to visit his ailing father using all the vacation time he had and depleting our vacation budget: "If I don't get to see Italy, that's a disappointment, if I don't spend what time I can visiting my Dad while he's alive, that's a regret." Maybe all those who have uninvolved/uncaring family members will eventually come to regret their lack of involvement in any capacity.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Caregivers tend to have to manage everything from meds to foods to cleaning to appointments; this requirement makes them seem less like a beloved family member and more like "the boss". And few love "the boss".
It's a thankless job. When I was an RN I loved it, but I worked three days a week and had 5 weeks vacation, 12 ill days a year, 12 holidays a year. And GREAT pay. What was there not to love. But it did teach me that I could never in a million years take this on for family, no matter the love I had for it. And I would never have tried to do so.
We often get notes from caregivers telling us of their grief and disappointment to be left alone while siblings do not visit or help. I am certain there is a bit of guilt. But I also think that the siblings may recognize that this job isn't sustainable. It is killing. It is torture. And there is no thanks for it at all, because the elder being cared for so lovingly often resents and rebels against the caregiver.
I hope that Beth was simple venting a very bad day, and that she feels better and that accounts for her absence from Forum. But her note to us here, and our answers, may help others. I hope so.
There is no perfect in aging care. And at times it is impossible. For myself I think it requires of caregivers more than a human is capable of giving without losing him or herself. I think one must recognize when something isn't working. Throwing ourselves on the burning funeral pyres of our suffering ones can be a sacrifice that is a slow and painful burn. And there will be little thanks for it. When we take on more than is HUMANLY possible, when we choose to think we can be godlike or saintlike it is a sort of hubris. We are flawed human beings with limitations.
I can FEEL the pain Beth is going through. I hope she's better a month later.
(Sorry for the vent, I'm new here. Hello!)
I welcome you to the Forum.
I have always been respectful to aides. I want to be on their good side. I totally realize that they do the dirty work. My daughter started out as an LPN, the supervisor of the aides. She was very aware of the job they did and appreciated them.
So sorry you get dumped on. It probably stems from guilt and not understanding what your job encompasses.