I am a caregiver for my 90-year-old mom who is mobile, but have a touch of dementia. She also suffers from chronic back pain and spends her days unconfortable and complaining. I recently took a quick break away and left a caregiver with her. I am calmer and less anxious for doing that. I also found a counselor for myself because sometimes well meaning friends don't give me the feedback that I need when I vent. I try to take it a moment at a time with her, but the tedious every day monotony and sameness is wearing my nerves. How are you doing? How do you get a break?
Like you Aham, I am fortunate to be able to have a counselor who helps me and holds me accountable to caring for myself. I've also learned to take help when offered whether from my brothers when they can or my husband. And more importantly to tell people when I need help.
Today is a good day, I went to a museum and tjmaxx. I worked out and did some laundry. I may try to clean a little later but honestly my house is so far gone right now that is an overwhelming thought.. Not gonna judge myself tho. I'd hire cleaners but it's so disorganized I don't know where they would start!!
I have a getaway coming up as well in April and I'm also recognizing I can't just rely on literally leaving town to recharge, I have to find a way to build it in at least a couple times a month...
Good topic. I hope others will chime in.
Reading fiction books is a good distraction . I did this , however it was on and off whether I could focus enough to do it.
At times I would go out with a friend but again that was rare depending on what was going on . I often felt I was not good company , so I avoided .
I also would go for walks. Again this would cycle on and off . Sometimes I did it regularly .
I will say only that some are unable to take it due to finances, needs, inability to find family or caregivers willing to take on the care, and given how unaffordable GOOD counseling and therapy care is.
My brother, who "brought me here" over 5 years ago after a diagnosis of probably early Lewy's Dementia is gone now for some years. After being helped a whole lot by the support of this Forum, I am still sticking around. And would love to add a bit.
As a retired RN who loved my job, but who would know what it was to do that job 24/7 I knew early on that I would not/could not ever do such a thing. It was quite out of the question. I had a difficult enough time learning to do POA/Trustee for him. I was supportive in finding him ALF care, and supportive of this gentle and loving man until his death, but being hands on 24/7 caregiver wouldn't have been something I was capable of doing my longest day.
Every day on Forum we meet/we try to help those who have learned the hard way they should not have taken on care they truly are incapable of doing without serious damage to self and family, and we have seen people broken, destitute after care, mentally reeling, and even a couple of deaths of the caregiver prior to the one cared FOR occur.
I so admire you are advocating for yourself. But it is a worry what is expected (sometimes culturally and sometimes by parents who groomed children for this role) of people. And I worry for their survival.
Again, good to have you on the Forum and hope to see you out answering our OPs. Best to you, and sure agree with your advice here.