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We have a 10 day Alaska trip planned and I need tips on preparing for my husband's incontinence since no access to washing machines and he refuses to wear disposables or pads.
The only sane, reasonable way to handle it. OP seems oblivious (or perhaps magical thinking has set in?) that her husband's incontinence and refusal to manage same: Has excluded him as a traveler. Cancel trip, or OP goes alone and takes a friend, and puts husband in respite care. FOR HER OWN SAKE and the sake of fellow travelers who must endure the outcome of his inability to control bodily functions. Common sense, I would assume, would make you aware that your husband would be anathema to any traveler. Please preserve his dignity.
If he refuses to address his incontinence issues by wearing Depends, I'd leave him home, that's my tip. Cleaning up his messes all over Alaska is a vacation for nobody.
The only tip that is going to work is for him to stay home.
Seriously, this is not fair to anyone else who is going to be with you on a plane, bus, cruise or scenic ship, at a tourist site or in a restaurant. Or to the cleaning staff for any of those places, adding in the hotel cleaners who will have to deal not just with changing sheets but possibly dealing with a wet mattress.
Either you can go with someone else, or the two of you can get your money back and stay home.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such stubbornness and unreasonableness.
This is what I was thinking. Never mind the people he is traveling with, what about the people who will have to clean up his messes at the restaurant or hotel he is at!!!
Long distance travel is not something someone with these issues should be doing. It is a HazMat situation waiting to happen.
He could be sitting in a chair and then leaves with you and you don't realized he 'soaked through' on to that chair. Think about the next person who sits in that chair or airplane seat.
Well if your husband refuses to wear "disposables or pads" then guess what??? He gets to stay home, and you go on without him and take a friend of your choice. Do you honestly want your pee soaked and smelly husband disrupting the other folks he encounters on this trip? Surely they all(including you)deserve better, don't you think? So it's either Depends, or he gets to stay home. It's that simple.
I went to Alaska 2 years ago and the last thing I would do is take an incontinent adult with me. Not even if he wore depends. And if I did allow him to go with Depends he better be able to change them himself.
I really don't know how you think you can do this and enjoy ur vacation. For me it was 2 planes to Alaska and 2 back. Both with layovers. Then it was a land cruise of buses and trains to National parks. Then cruising for 7 days. Excurtions, buses and trains. If he won't wear depends it means carrying a change of clothes. And cleaning him up in bathroom stalls. Not my idea of a relaxing vacation.
Don't take him on vacation. The other people traveling should not have to have their vacations ruined by an incontinent person too stubborn to wear a diaper and a partner unable to take care of the problem.
I suspect you have fallen into some magical thinking with this.
You do understand that he can’t go on this trip, correct? You do know the cruise line can force you off the ship at one of the ports with no help to get home, right? It is the cruise line’s right to medically debark people.
There is a time in the stage of our illness when we need to stay home. This is that time for your husband.
It's not like changing a baby when an adult has incontinence. Even setting aside how horrible it would be for other passengers to witness on whatever conveyance you're on, it's humiliating for your husband. How can you put him through that? How can you even imagine that you can handle taking care of his incontinence needs?
I'm so sorry you didn't go to AK when he was still well enough to go. Please find another traveling companion or stay home! For the sake of everyone.
My husband is in a memory care facility with Stage 7 dementia. I know what you're going through. It is awful. But it IS, and there's no fixing it.
Well..he does not have much choice in wearing disposable pull up underwear. If you are packing you remove all his "normal" underwear and replace it with the disposable. (Another option would be a condom catheter if he would keep it on.) You do not say in your post or your profile if your husband has dementia or not. If he does I hate to say this but a 10 day trip like this might be a bit much for him. Have you traveled recently with him? It might be a good idea to do a "trial run" Plan an over night trip. Do a long drive, about the length of a flight if you are taking one. Check into a hotel for the evening and see how he does. A long car trip is stressful as is being out of his normal routine and familiar area. You will also get a good idea if he tries to leave the hotel room at night trying to "go home" (there are door alarms that look like old fashioned door stops, when the door is opened it depresses the top of the door stop and an alarm sounds) If you do this I hope it goes well for you, if not you may have to look for a Respite stay for him or cancel your trip.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That is not fair to the other vacationers and locals .
When my FIL was refusing to change his BM soiled , overly wet leaking , Depends and clothing . We stopped taking him out in public .
Seriously, this is not fair to anyone else who is going to be with you on a plane, bus, cruise or scenic ship, at a tourist site or in a restaurant. Or to the cleaning staff for any of those places, adding in the hotel cleaners who will have to deal not just with changing sheets but possibly dealing with a wet mattress.
Either you can go with someone else, or the two of you can get your money back and stay home.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such stubbornness and unreasonableness.
Long distance travel is not something someone with these issues should be doing. It is a HazMat situation waiting to happen.
He could be sitting in a chair and then leaves with you and you don't realized he 'soaked through' on to that chair. Think about the next person who sits in that chair or airplane seat.
Do you honestly want your pee soaked and smelly husband disrupting the other folks he encounters on this trip? Surely they all(including you)deserve better, don't you think?
So it's either Depends, or he gets to stay home. It's that simple.
I really don't know how you think you can do this and enjoy ur vacation. For me it was 2 planes to Alaska and 2 back. Both with layovers. Then it was a land cruise of buses and trains to National parks. Then cruising for 7 days. Excurtions, buses and trains. If he won't wear depends it means carrying a change of clothes. And cleaning him up in bathroom stalls. Not my idea of a relaxing vacation.
Like her husband is going to pee on the bed every night for 10 days?
I hope she has trip insurance because they might be asked to leave the cruise (which is the cruise line’s right) at one of the ports.
I suspect you have fallen into some magical thinking with this.
You do understand that he can’t go on this trip, correct? You do know the cruise line can force you off the ship at one of the ports with no help to get home, right? It is the cruise line’s right to medically debark people.
It's not like changing a baby when an adult has incontinence. Even setting aside how horrible it would be for other passengers to witness on whatever conveyance you're on, it's humiliating for your husband. How can you put him through that? How can you even imagine that you can handle taking care of his incontinence needs?
I'm so sorry you didn't go to AK when he was still well enough to go. Please find another traveling companion or stay home! For the sake of everyone.
My husband is in a memory care facility with Stage 7 dementia. I know what you're going through. It is awful. But it IS, and there's no fixing it.
If you are packing you remove all his "normal" underwear and replace it with the disposable. (Another option would be a condom catheter if he would keep it on.)
You do not say in your post or your profile if your husband has dementia or not.
If he does I hate to say this but a 10 day trip like this might be a bit much for him.
Have you traveled recently with him?
It might be a good idea to do a "trial run"
Plan an over night trip.
Do a long drive, about the length of a flight if you are taking one.
Check into a hotel for the evening and see how he does.
A long car trip is stressful as is being out of his normal routine and familiar area.
You will also get a good idea if he tries to leave the hotel room at night trying to "go home" (there are door alarms that look like old fashioned door stops, when the door is opened it depresses the top of the door stop and an alarm sounds)
If you do this I hope it goes well for you, if not you may have to look for a Respite stay for him or cancel your trip.