Mom has dementia and becomes aggressive at times. She also has some Parkinson's symptoms, but DR cannot make a conclusive Parkinson's diagnosis. She is in her early 90s. She also has a history of past anesthesia delirium.
She's in hospital now, and a combination of depakote and an antipsychotic calmed her greatly without making her a zombie. Preferred nursing home is refusing her as the antipsychotic is for schizophrenia and bipolar depression, neither of which she has been diagnosed with. Won't take her if she is on it for off-label purposes even though it is greatly helping her.
Hospital says they and even her PCP can prescribe for off-label use. Is this standard for NHs?
Private pay facilities DO “cherry pick” for ease of their staff and they do not want any residents who are “too much work” and if they tell you no, they cannot take her, believe them.
There is no law that says a private pay facility must take someone. On your tours, pay close attention to the residents who already live there. Pay attention to what you SEE and not what they TELL you that they do for their residents.
Find a place that will take her as she is.
the last thing you want is for a facility to accept your Mom, you pay the non-refundable deposit (which is not refunded) and then in a month or two your Mom is sent to a hospital/BHU for Altered Mental State and “hospital dumped”. And now your Mom must be placed somewhere else and it’s no longer the responsibility of the facility. The hospital or BHU now must find a place and you are at the mercy of ANY facility that will accept her. It’s a thing.
its a horrible, viscous cycle.
Find a place that will unconditionally accept your Mom as she presents .
i hope that you are not freaked out, but that you are eyes wide open aware.
If this facility isn't able to provide safe staffing and other measures then they are right in refusing to take her in until they are reassured by MDs that she is stable, and of her medication. Sorry. This is such a tough problem.
Do understand that all facilities "cherry pick", and that's an unfortunate but understandable situation.
The more reassuring you can be, the more information you can supply, the more willing you can be to assure them your mother will move if her trial as a resident doesn't work, the better your chances.
I am so sorry. So many imperfections and lack of answers in our systems.