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Mom has dementia and becomes aggressive at times. She also has some Parkinson's symptoms, but DR cannot make a conclusive Parkinson's diagnosis. She is in her early 90s. She also has a history of past anesthesia delirium.


She's in hospital now, and a combination of depakote and an antipsychotic calmed her greatly without making her a zombie. Preferred nursing home is refusing her as the antipsychotic is for schizophrenia and bipolar depression, neither of which she has been diagnosed with. Won't take her if she is on it for off-label purposes even though it is greatly helping her.


Hospital says they and even her PCP can prescribe for off-label use. Is this standard for NHs?

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yes, doctors commonly prescribe medications for off-label purposes. And with good results.

Private pay facilities DO “cherry pick” for ease of their staff and they do not want any residents who are “too much work” and if they tell you no, they cannot take her, believe them.

There is no law that says a private pay facility must take someone. On your tours, pay close attention to the residents who already live there. Pay attention to what you SEE and not what they TELL you that they do for their residents.

Find a place that will take her as she is.

the last thing you want is for a facility to accept your Mom, you pay the non-refundable deposit (which is not refunded) and then in a month or two your Mom is sent to a hospital/BHU for Altered Mental State and “hospital dumped”. And now your Mom must be placed somewhere else and it’s no longer the responsibility of the facility. The hospital or BHU now must find a place and you are at the mercy of ANY facility that will accept her. It’s a thing.

its a horrible, viscous cycle.

Find a place that will unconditionally accept your Mom as she presents .

i hope that you are not freaked out, but that you are eyes wide open aware.
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Reply to WhatWouldNanDo
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It depends on the nursing home. Talk to case manager/social worker to help with finding a place that will take her.
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Reply to Taarna
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I read some years ago that antipsychotics could no longer be used in elderly patients. Many patients had passed away because the medications can cause sudden heart failure. However, I also think it's discrimination to refuse a patient who is taking an antipsychotic for off label use. Lyrica, Celexa, Celebrex, etc., even Gabapentin, are used all the time for neuropathy, when these are actually drugs created for seizures. I know they've been approved for other uses, but Zyprexa is also used commonly for anxiety in all age groups. The elderly may be more vulnerable to possible negative side-effects, but the cherry picking is real. I hope things get worked out for you and your mom.
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Reply to BelleRosa
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Rapunzel10: Hopefully the Rexulti fixes the issue.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Medication that nh refused her for was zyprexa. Hospital took her off for 24 hours to see if she would stay stable...not so, she had a major aggressive meltdown. So, they are trying rexulti today and will see how that works in place of zyprexa.
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Reply to Rapunzel10
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AlvaDeer Feb 8, 2025
It is sounding like she does need "anti-psychotic" medication.
If this facility isn't able to provide safe staffing and other measures then they are right in refusing to take her in until they are reassured by MDs that she is stable, and of her medication. Sorry. This is such a tough problem.
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If the medication is seroquel, this is often used to calm dementia patients.
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Reply to MG8522
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I would consider a letter from her MD explaining this.
Do understand that all facilities "cherry pick", and that's an unfortunate but understandable situation.
The more reassuring you can be, the more information you can supply, the more willing you can be to assure them your mother will move if her trial as a resident doesn't work, the better your chances.

I am so sorry. So many imperfections and lack of answers in our systems.
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