Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
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They are loathe to take a citizen's rights if that person is somewhat competent.
You may be down to sitting back and "waiting for the call" from medical, hospital or from the coroner.
To be honest, enforced placement, allowing for another year or so of unhappy life?
Let it go where it's going; don't enable it by stepping in. About all I can say, and that's very tough to do.
She must have done well enough in rehab to go home last month . I have not seen her recently . DH and I saw her prior to rehab in the hospital . We live 4 hours away .
She lies and says she will hire an aide , get grab bars and get a stair lift etc . She says she uses a walker now . Most likely because she can’t do at all without it .
The bar seems to be getting lower as far as discharge . If they are lucid and I guess understand their situation , and the consequences , they can go home .
A wound care nurse comes to the house .
My MIL showtimes very well , is very convincing .
BTW. MIL does not fully comprehend her situation . She thinks she’s going to get better . She’s declining . She is in later stages of CLL, She has lost a ton of weight , gets iron infusions , her color is slightly jaundiced . Also in moderate kidney failure .She’s stooped over so far she’s looking at only the floor when she ( barely ) walks . This has been slowly deteriorating for years .
Can she take care of herself?
If no it is an unsafe discharge and should be reported to JCAHO.
Also, if she isn't able to do own care then the call gets placed and she's transported back. Do that enough and it dings hospital for early re-admit, a big one that clues in JCAHO that there was inadequate discharge and unsafe discharge.
I am so sorry for all you're going through Way.
DH and I just hold on to “ it’s the last parent in this dementia trilogy “. 😭😭
3 out of 4 had/have dementia . MIL is the last parent living .
I'm so sorry you're in the weeds with your MIL. If she showtimes that well and the hospital or APS won't help with her, you're just going to have to let the chips fall where they may. Just trust that none of it is your fault.
The ER sent her back home last night .
We failed at “ unsafe discharge” last month when she was in the hospital . The social worker said she’s “ lucid “ .
She showtimes well . She was sent to rehab last month for a bit . The social worker at rehab never returned one call to DH even though he left messages about being concerned about her going home .
So we wait .
MIL was upset that my DH found out she was at the ER . When DH called the ER and spoke to her , MIL wanted to know who told him . DH didn’t tell her that MIL’s partner’s son had called my DH . The partner’s Alzheimer’s is so bad , and couldn’t remember why my MIL went in the ambulance . Partner’s son figured he’d better call my DH .
Change what things you can. Accept the things you cannot change. Have the wisdom to know the difference.
It is time for you to wash your hands of your MIL. Tell the hospital she is an unsafe discharge and let them figure out what to do with her next.
My deepest condolences at the loss of your friend. All of this life is suffering and none of it is fair. Your friend is beyond all pain and suffering now and I hope knowing that brings you some measure of comfort, my friend.
Last night she called an ambulance due to sciatica pain . Went to the ER asking for narcotics . She got told a big “ NO”, and to wait for her appt she has at the pain clinic next week . The ER sent her back home .
She’s like a bird with a broken wing still trying to fly .
I agree . Life isn’t fair . Young people die who shouldn’t . And old people suffer too long . It all just stinks .
I recommend Roger Rosenblatt's book on his grief over the loss of his daughter, a doctor, at her young age of 38, leaving two babies and a hubby. The book is titled Kayak Morning and is a beautiful meditation on all the thought of what we go through when there is a loss. Rosenblatt, a true believer, said the afternoon he was informed of her sudden death "God, that's the LAST prayer you ever get from me", so you can imagine the impact of the loss of this apparently marvelous child.
Life isn't fair. We all know that. But even "fair losses" can devastate us.
The HOLE that is left by someone we NEED in our life is a perfect description. Nothing says it quite so well.
I also can't help but be angry that my 96 y/o father with his plethora of health issues outlived her. Life is not fair.
Working in the field is the most exciting time of all, in my experience.
Who you "intern" with may want to hire you, which is a compliment and recognition of your value and work ethic.
[If that (Like an internship?) is what you are referencing is the step you are taking.]
Sign yourself up, jump in.
See what the hours are, try it.
And try not to lead with needing accommodations.
You will be doing so well, they might not notice you needed time off. imo.
And you might not either.
So I understand.
I did go back to work after a couple of years off at the beginning of the CFS/FM and was able to manage, in part due to the fact we had flex time. We had to be in class to teach and available at work for our 5 office hours a week and any meetings we were called to. Apart from that we could work at home.
I appreciate what you are saying about the flexibility of your present work and the support you get.
Also, I agree that you can likely accomplish that again. The world is much more accepting of "variations" of many kinds than it was. That includes health issues. People with different needs can work due to accommodations that are made for them.
Then there's the apprehension of something big and new which can affect any of us. That involves loss of the comfort of the "known" we have been accustomed to and taking a leap of faith into the unknown. I am totally sure you can manage that!
Goodness, girl. Look how far you have come! Your health issues haven't held you back from achieving academic excellence!!! All power to you. I know you will figure this out.
Personally, I feel like that feeling is what adrenaline junkies pursue, every bit of us is alive with vigilance because we are out of our comfort zone and it is scary but, it is exciting because we are growing.
You got this!
I have 3 classes remaining in my MS program. It's *time* to transition to working in the field. The weird thing keeping that from happening is my current stability and comfort levels. I mostly like my job, my coworkers, my work, my day-to-day schedule of 11am-7pm. It's all so stable and cushy. It's comforting to stay where I am, I suppose.
I also have persistent CFS symptoms where I may be exhausted for days, and sometimes it can be weeks. This is concerning to me, when starting a new routine and new work duties. My current employer knows that I work very hard WHEN I can. They're gracious about allowing me a day off when needed. And trying to navigate my limitations in a new line of work is really intimidating.
However, surely I can cultivate all the positive rapport I experience in my current job again in a new line of work, right? In the long term, I want to work in behavioral services. I chose the right path; I'm just getting lazy (I'm scared, I think) about the change because IT'S HERE. There are so many opportunities around where I live. I don't lack options.
I have a meeting with a therapist on Monday to try to work through this moment in my life. I feel so fortunate to have these options, "spoiled for choice." But truly, I'm very scared, too. I have to meet new people, get out there, and get to work in a new field. And I'm scared. Of what, exactly? It's just all of it.
Thanks for humoring me... 😅 I typed this up on AC here instead of grinding away at my Implementing Procedures for Behavior Change class material.
are you masking? no
are you isolating? well I hardly ever leave my desk
Are you sanitizing everything you touch? uhm...
I don't care if influenza, covid or some random enteric virus isn't usually listed as the direct cause of death in nursing homes, if my fragile loved one gets sick and dies shortly after recovering I'm sure as H____ gonna connect those dots.
My own daughter, early 60s, dealing with something in hip now, missed for THREE YEARS because they kept telling her "referred" pain from bulging discs in her back. Turns out she had torn tendons and muscles, torn from a fall three years ago right from their anchor. Now a bit better after a "tenex" procedure I have never heard of.
But these things get missed, misdiagnosed, and with your hubby you have the added awful problem in that he cannot completely be a good subjective "reporter" of his symptoms.
So hard, these things. So many things just "missed". They say A.I. is better at getting a real diagnosis when the symptoms are fed in than our own docs with an MRI to read. Yikes.
Funny story the guy who delivered my mom's oxygen commented it looked like a Mexican drug store in their place now I get the imagery. Yo can I get some antibiotics? 😂
No calm patch for me. Rather opposite.
It is frustrating that no doctor has any answers or solutions. Hubby on hydromorphone for over a month and even with that in pain all the time. I don’t know what else they would give him if this drug stops working. It looks like it.
Hope it will get better for you day by day as hubby adjusts somewhat.
Nacy,
Good to hear that you are back and enjoyed your cruise.