Anyone else have trouble caring for and having empathy for someone who never prioritized their health or cared for themselves properly?

My MIL had a stroke 2 years ago that left her partially paralyzed on one side of her body and it severely affected her speech and also had some effect on her cognitive ability. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia due to the damage from the stroke. She also has COPD, HBP, 75 percent blocked arteries in both sides of her neck, GERD, stage 2 kidney disease, and a list of other ailments I can't remember right now. For 2 years leading up to her major stroke she had mini strokes or T.I.A.'s. She was warned by multiple specialists that she needed to stop smoking and take better care of her health- healthier eating, exercising, and quitting smoking and quit drinking sodas around the clock, etc. because the strokes would intensify and eventually kill her. Her response to that was it's her life and she would live it the way she wanted and that included smoking and not prioritizing her health and basically ignoring all medical advice. Every mini stroke she had and was hospitalized for she left the hospital against medical advice. When she had her major stroke, she lit up a cigarette while waiting for the ambulance! She has never cared about anyone or anything besides herself. She has always been an incredibly difficult person to deal with or be around. She appreciates nothing, is miserable and makes everyone around her miserable. None of her siblings visit or have a relationship with her because of how miserable and awful she was to them before her stroke. Every single friend, neighbor, coworker, you name it, has cut her off and it is always the other persons fault, never mind that she is the common denominator in all issues she has. We begged her for years to please follow doctors’ advice. We took off work multiple times to be there for various appointments and hospitalizations. Instead of taking it seriously, she relished in the attention she got from everyone. Her mindset was that if the strokes would kill her, oh well. She never considered being in the position she is now of being in a wheelchair without use of one side of her body, no ability to walk or care for herself in any way independently, practically no speech, and the loss of her home, car, relationships, everything! Now she is miserable and blaming everyone else, when she had multiple chances to prevent it all! We now know for certain smoking was for sure the culprit with the strokes because she hasn't had another one now that she hasn't been able to smoke for the past 2 years. It's been so hard having empathy and caring for someone who happily contributed to their own demise and is even more miserable and awful to those around her than she was before her stroke! And after all she's been through and all my husband and I have done for her, she STILL has no appreciation, still awful to my husband especially even though she has another son who has NOT helped with ANYTHING. But of course he's the favorite and the golden child. I won't even get started on the unhealthy codependent relationship they have. She thinks she should be the center of everyone's lives now. I'm at my witts end and often times I wonder why she even survived the stroke? She could care less about anything in life. She doesn't care about my husband's sacrifice to care for her every need in fact, she expects it. The experience caring for someone who NEVER cared about themselves and still doesn't has really tested my faith, strength, and patience! My husband has always been such a happy go lucky positive person and I've seen that steady dwindling over these last 2 years. He is well aware that his brother is the favorite child despite not being around, not being helpful, and not lifting a finger to help with anything meaningful. My MIL still refuses to help herself in any way, she refuses PT, OT, and speech therapy. She won't use any speech aids we've bought her, she won't engage in activities, nothing. She just wakes up and exists and gets angry at anyone in her orbit. Truly, truly OVER IT!