A so-called friend — I call him the evil friend — has inserted himself as the "savior" or knight-in-shining-armor for my husband, because he believes my husband should be in assisted living or independent living rather than memory care and wants to save him from me, the evil wife. He's threatened to easily revoke my husband's POA to remove me as his agent. All that's needed is for my husband to sign either a new POA or a letter revoking the current one.
I'm beyond stressed and angry. Why would any sane person do this? Is his life so boring that he needs to butt into ours? I have taken some precautionary actions and have consulted with my attorney. Still, it's added stress I don't need.
Check your state law regarding a new POA and revocation of an existing one. It may need to be prepared by an attorney; if not (like something downloaded from the internet), it would at least need to be notarized. The friend would have to take your husband to the notary, or have a mobile notary come to the facility.
You can ask the MC facility to not allow the "friend" to visit your husband without you present, not to allow an outside party such as a notary to visit without you present, and not to allow your husband to leave the facility with anyone without your permission.
The attorney who prepared the original POA and ask him or her to send a cease-and-desist letter to the friend. It's smart that you already consulted about this.
I'm really sorry about this. This does happen sometime although usually from family members. Dealing with all that led up to placing your husband and adjusting to the new reality were undoubtedly traumatic and this adds insult to injury.
What I would do as POA is ban this friend from being able to see your husband. Tell the MC that he is inserting himself into your marriage and threatening you. I may go as far as trying to get a restraining order against him. If your husband has a phone, block the friend. Take the friend's number out of the phone. No calls coming or going out at the desk.
You also block this friend. If he harasses you in any way, go for a restraining order. This problem has come up before on this forum. Friends and family trying to override a spouse's decisions. You are in charge.
That gives you ENORMOUS power under the law.
If your husband has dementia, then this man could be banned from ever seeing him again through your getting a court order.
If your husband doesn't have dementia then WHY hasn't he told this A$$ to go to Hades?
If your husband doesn't have dementia, and does sign such a thing, it will be easy for you to go to court and get a separation of finances so that you can protect your assets. And if hubby does this knowingly it is time to consider divorce from him. Let him know the day this guy is his POA is the day you divorce him.
Important here is that you are being THREATENED by this man.
He needs to be stopped from coming near you or speaking to you, and if hubby is demented then he needs to be stopped from seeing him and attempting to fraudulently get documents.
I would call APS and ask how to best stop him from harassing you and your husband.
It's not that easy. The friend would have to first create the revokation paperwork for your husband to sign. Then he'd need to get your husband to assign a new PoA with new paperwork, which would still need to be signed in front of a notary with 2 non-family witnesses in order to legally finalize it.
Is your husband telling confabulations about you to this friend? How is this friend even able to be in contact with him? I'd cut him off. Make sure he can't call him (block his number) or visit (make sure the front desk prevents him from entering or calls you when he shows up. Maybe a restraining order. If this friend is married, maybe appeal to his wife, hint that legal action may be the next step if she can't convince him to back off.
Maybe the friend has dementia... it's possible.
What I would do in your case is this "knight in shining armor" should be restricted from visiting unless there is someone there with him. And not another "friend".
Or you can simply prohibit visiting by this person.
Quick update on what I've done:
1. Spoke to and received advice from my attorney, who suggested I jot down dates and times that I have researched or sought advice from experts regarding moving my husband from memory care to assisted/independent living, that I have done my homework and not making arbitrary decisions, in case this goes to court. She thinks the likelihood is slim, but with this deranged person, you just never can disregard the worst case scenarios.
2. Realizing that the buck stops at my husband, and as much as I hated telling him I felt it was too serious not to, I talked to him about what this "friend" was trying to do. My husband was shocked and hurt, deeply troubled by the potential devious acts such that his night sweats returned after having no episodes since placement. (I am so pissed at having agitated him.) So in order to guard against any complaints by this friend to Ombudsman, my husband recorded his wish to not see his friend for awhile so that the facility has proof and heard it straight from my husband--facility will not allow friend to enter. Hopefully my husband is also aware enough to not be bullied or lured into signing any docs in case the friend slips through the front door. Official docs of this nature must be notarized. Any reputable notary would not physically enter a memory care facility without due cause. And if friend should take my husband out, I can report a kidnapping.
Hoping the friend is just blowing smoke to scare me into submission. Still, this is enough to cause me needless stress and will cost me funds that I wouldn't have needed to spend otherwise.
This friend is a menace and is threatening you. I'd let the police know that this is going on. Friend has little or no chance to revoke POA, even with husband's help (because husband is incompetent to handle his affairs), but I'd be concerned about friend's mental health. I would take precautions so he can't do harm to you or your property.
Another thing, does this friend plan to pay for your husband's care at wherever he wants your husband to end up? What a wackadoodle he is!
See All Answers