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My father is a ward of the state and has dementia. He had a stroke last week and lost the ability to swallow. The Dr recommended not administering a feeding tube. His guardian discussed this with me and I agreed. He was discharged from the hospital yesterday back to the nursing home to be in palliative care and have Hospice. I’m wondering what this means. He’s just going to become dehydrated or starve to death and die? Now that he’s back in the nursing home, he does not have an IV. He only has an oxygen tube.

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Yes, your practioner and the medical team have given a prognosis that your father is dying and should be given end of life care. Hospice is "END OF LIFE" care. Your father will be medicated so as to be comfortable in his last days, but you are now looking at the end of life.
Without the heroic measure of given feedings artificially administered by IV, NG or PEG tube your father will die. Even WITH those things given, your father is now at the end of his life; the administration of tube feedings can prolong, but not save his life. The result would be torture to be frank. And I say that as an RN who has for decades had this FORBIDDEN absolutely and in all circumstances in my advance directive. I have cared for the patients. I have seen the slow wasting, the bedsore that are inevitable, the horrible diarrhea, the infections in the peg tubes, the aspirations in the NG tubes; I have seen it all, but most disturbing is to witness the mourning family literally PRAYING for death to come which is the eventual and inevitable outcome. That is a heavy price for your father to pay for your acceptance that he is now dying.

Your father is dying and I couldn't be more sorry. Allow him peace and good medications. Hospice is also know as COMFORT CARE. Allow him now comfort in his passing. Hospice will have clergy and social workers to support you. ASK for their help.

Again, my sympathies.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My daughter is an RN and would agree not to place a feeding tube. The doctor was right in not suggesting this. To suggest Hospice means Dad is dying. There is nothing that can be done for him. He will be kept comfortable and pain free.

I just read your first post. This is a man you hardly know. Seems you have been dealing with him a lot the last
2 1/2 Yrs. Please don't let yourself feel guilty. Just from your first post, I think Dad has had problems for a long time. You did what you could for him. You owed him nothing. You got him help so he was safe and cared for.
I want you to know you did enough.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Windy2022 Mar 2, 2025
That means a lot to me. Thank you. The recent days have been very difficult. Lots of emotions going far beyond the grief of death.
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This just recently happened to my 105-yr old Aunt (CHF, then paralyzing stroke, lost swallowing ability). Because even touching her paper-thin skin having to roll or move her, she went on Aderall for calming and then morphine for pain. This put her in twilight so she was non-responsive. She went to in-home hospice with no feeding tube or IV, only oxygen. Family moistened her mouth with sponges because it hung open, and put drops in her half-open eyes. Dehydration will end you sooner than lack of food. It took 4 days for her to pass. I'm so sorry you and your Dad have to go through this. May you receive peace in your heart.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Windy2022 Mar 2, 2025
Thank you very much. I have had a very strained relationship with him, if you see my other posts. I just want him to have peace.
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Windy, hospice will keep him sedated beyond pain and agitation until he dies. He will be kept peaceful and if not, talk to the nurse, they want that as well and they are careful to not accelerate the death, sometimes you have to give permission or ask for more comfort for them.

May The Lord take him quickly and quietly for your sake. May HE give you grieving mercies, strength and peace during this difficult time and for the new season you are entering.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Surely this is what you discussed with the Guardian? Perhaps make another appointment with the Guardian! And perhaps talk to the DON (Director of Nursing) at the NH. You shouldn't be guessing - and neither should we.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Sad for your father and you!

He won't necessarily "starve", his body will use what it can (fat, muscle, etc)to keep going until that is exhausted, then the organs will slowly shut down.

I'm so sorry.
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Reply to cover9339
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I am in agreement with not having a feeding Tube But Not the IV .
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Reply to KNance72
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Windy2022 Mar 2, 2025
I have learned that the IV fluids can cause discomfort when given while the body is shutting down.
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