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Parent broke leg in the fall. Had surgery and then two stints in transitional care for PT. Since November has had three UTI infections. Now exhibiting increasingly hostile behavior.


As sole caregiver, it’s really hard to hear all the constant mean comments. I have to follow through with instructions from her Dr, Home Care nurse, and therapists. She doesn’t like to do what they say she needs to, like wear wraps on her legs to minimize lymphedema, elevate legs, use a gait belt, and have assistance when walking with walker, etc., and then is angry with me about it.


Really hard to deal with the verbal abuse. Hoping things improve once UTI is healed.

When Mom had a UTI we instantly knew by the change in her behavior and when the first round of antibiotic didn’t work we knew as well her doctor learned to trust our judgment on it even, it can be hard sometimes to get rid of a UTI even when they think they have, especially when it reoccurring. But when she was in the hospital for 2 weeks and the delirium set it really badly that was a whole different ballgame. My mother never had a mean bone in her body and was usually very cooperative when it came to doctors and nurses (we knew we were lucky) but she bit my brother squeezed my arm so tight and dug her nails it she drew blood amongst other things when we brought her home. The things she would say! But it was hospital delirium and fortunately we had just started with a geriatric psychologist prior to her going into that hospital stay so they did put her on some meds in the hospital and adjusted the psyc meds when we got home and it did get much better. She was never the SAME again but we saw more of her old self, less anxiety, temper and no assault type of behavior. So there is hope but you really need to advocate for your parent and for yourself by insisting on the correct psychiatric care. We were able to keep her more level, sleeping at night and not just doped up by advocating and working well with the right doctors. Had the geriatric psychologist known us better it might have even happened quicker but we really waited too long to start her with them. I will say I had a lot less use for the hospital geriatric psyc people and got more done by calling hers and having them talk to the hospital.
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Reply to Lymie61
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If this doesn't improve then it is time for placement. This is something where several shifts with several people each is required to give safe care and healing care to someone who is out of control. This isn't sustainable to manage at home.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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May I suggest and strongly encourage you to place her into long term care or nursing care as soon as possible. My experience was very similar with my dad who lived in my home for four years through several health events. I could see him deteriorating before my eyes and saw the writing on the wall. It wasn't easy and it wasn't quick, but I did find a place to move him into. His mobility was quickly failing and I was worried about him in the bathroom and not willing to take on assisting him with those tasks. His first month in the facility was good. He was adjusting and made a couple of buddies, and getting involved in the many facility activities (bingo, cards, etc). But, suddenly he started going downhill and quickly. He became incontinent and his legs stopped functioning altogether and recently bedridden. Two weeklong hospitalizations in one month and no specific diagnosis although suspecting pneumonia, congestive heart failure, infection without final determination (too much failing to pinpoint).
I will admit that I am fairly relieved that he was in a facility where they gave him very good care for whatever may have ailed him at any moment. Those aids and nurses are a very special breed of human being. Their knowledge and experience are a God given gift. And I must include the staff of the hospital too.
Please, I implore you to place your mother where she will receive the attention and care and dignity she will need as she progresses in her decline (and she is declining). The horror stories of nursing homes has not been my experience at all and I am positive that those stories apply to only the few (bc they are the ones who get the attention, you don't see 'good' nursing homes in the news).
I am still worried about my dad, but comforted that the people I have entrusted his care in are, in fact, taking "care" of him.
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Reply to joyceab
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They need to identify bacteria that is causing UTI so the appropriate antibiotic can be prescribed. Remeron is very helpful in these situations.
It’s commonly used for delirium, anxiety and depression in elderly. It’s faster acting than other antidepressants. Ask her Dr.
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Reply to Frenchie36
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Why did you take her home in this condition? She could become much worse. If she is not walking much she will get weaker.
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Reply to MACinCT
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My mother did this to me.. She has had numerous UTI's then gave herself E. Coli. E. Coli incident she was horrible. Exceptionally cruel. Accused me of abusing her and spiraled down from there. Older sister ( 77 year old alcoholic with mental health problems) took advantage of my mother's mental state and then did a smear campaign on me. I tried to stay calm and hoped the antibiotics worked but even after the E. Coli was gone she was still horrible. I did take her to her Dr she refused anything and everything from vitamins, to CBT to anti-depressants. Don't fool around hopnig things get better... they just get worse. Protect yourself. She will tell people things which never happened and before you know it you need a lawyer. Its not you... its her.
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Reply to fedupforever
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Make sure she is getting all the medications she needs for her UTI infection. Make sure she takes all the medication as prescribed. Let everybody be "mean" enough to make sure this happens.

Next, get a referral to a psychiatrist. She needs medications to help calm her down a bit so she will be more compliant with her therapies and care. The goal is to help her to become more mobile.

When she says mean things have a plan of action for how you will react. Read any of the boundary books by Townsend and Cloud. They outline a really good method for devising a plan to deal with problem behavior(s). If need be, spend time with a counsellor while you develop and implement your plan.
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Reply to Taarna
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Sounds like mother needs did specialist help
time to speak to her doctor about what options are available to you
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Reply to Jenny10
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Breezy1: Do not tolerate mean-spirited behavior.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Try to remember that she isn't intentionally targeting you. It's not personal. That became my mantra while caring for my mom after my dad died. She had multiple uti's, and they really do change the personality. Plus, she's got all these new routines that everyone is insisting on, making her even more out of sorts and combative. Again, I will say, try to not take it personally. Everyone says "put her in a facility," but I can almost guarantee that she will decline even faster there, making her more miserable and perhaps more contentious, so that you will feel both angry at her and horrible for putting her there. I speak from experience. Can you get a little in-home care? I found out (way late in the game, but better late than never) that my town had a program for seniors to bring help into their home for very little $. Perhaps there is something like that you can access so that her vitriol isn't always aimed at you. She may be more compliant with a "professional". My mom was. My heart goes out to you. Keep doing your best, whatever that means to you. It's noble work, even when it feels thankless.
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Reply to sueswag
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