My husband is 74, and developed dementia post-stroke. He is convinced he did not have a stroke, but was made ill by somebody at city hall because they want his business. As a result, he will not follow a doctor's orders, take medication, or go to therapy.
He insists that every curtain in our house be closed, pitching us into perpetual darkness. He constantly paces, peeking, readjusting the curtains, and checking the doors. He has become angry with our neighbours, thinking they are in on it. He often won’t participate in activities with me like going to the pool or sitting in the sunshine on the deck because of his mistrust of “those people.”
This disease is hard enough. I am trying to stay positive, but with this paranoia and having to fight him so I can help him and never getting to see the sun in the morning, I have lost all hope. Any thoughts of how to manage?
You must keep YOURSELF safe, and him as well. There may come a time when he sees 'you' as the enemy and gets physically aggressive with you. You do not know. I question if or how you know he has dementia. Some people here seem to think that he has't had a medical evaluation yet.
Look at this website:
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/delusions
In part, it says:
Managing accusations and dementia___________________
A person with dementia may make accusations against people around them, including their family, friends and carers. The most common accusations are that others are trying to steal from them or harm them. They may also accuse their partner of being unfaithful, or of being an impostor.
Being falsely accused can obviously be distressing.
Try not to take it personally when the person falsely accuses you.
Consider that a person may have confused the past and present, so accusations may be based on things that have happened in the past.
Don’t try to argue with or correct the person. What they think has happened feels real to them. Acknowledge their feelings and offer them reassurance.
Try to find the reason behind the accusation.
If the person is accusing someone else of something, don’t automatically assume it is untrue. If it’s possible, look into whether it’s true or not.
Preventing or reducing delusions____________________
You can try to prevent delusions by:
Making set places for things that become lost easily, such as keys or glasses, and keep spares just in case. Make sure items are returned to the same place. For example, always hang keys on the key hook. This can help a person to find things more easily, and may reduce the delusion that missing or misplaced items have been stolen.
Making sure the person has regular eye tests and hearing checks, to avoid any additional problems caused by sensory impairment. If they hear or see something incorrectly, it can lead to a delusion.
Avoiding unnecessary changes to their home. Routine and familiarity can help a person to make sense of the world around them, and reduce paranoia. Try to balance the benefits of making a home dementia friendly. with the likelihood of delusions if familiar furniture or items are removed.
Making sure they have regular medication reviews with a pharmacist or GP. Introducing new medications, or the combination of a person’s medications, can be a cause of delusions.
Introducing stimulating activity and socialising into a person’s routine. These may help reduce loneliness and isolation, which increase the risk of delusions. For more information see Keeping active and involved.
Gena / Touch Matters
Her doctor put her on antidepressants and that worked for a while but her fears ended up surpassing what they could help with in the end, though they still help a little.
i was able to use all this to convince her to move to memory care since there were people there 24/7 to protect her from anyone who wanted to harm her. She still thinks someone may be trying to look in her window and recently worried about someone climbing in but I was able to tell her that the windows in MC don’t open far enough for even the smallest person to climb in. I can also remind her of the call cord by her bed so she can always alert the staff. I also tell her that I don’t think the building even has a basement! It is now much easier to address her fears. I handle her fear of spiders by telling her that the maintenance man specializes in keeping spiders out of the building (something he joked about when I mentioned her fear during my initial tour) and I thank him for doing it whenever we see him. Basically I can tell her that someone on the staff can address each of her fears to protect her when fears arise.
If he starts doing dangerous things like leaving the house, keeping a knife under his pillow, etc, you may need to place him in a facility for his own safety and yours. You might want to investigate options now so that you have a plan should you need it.
I am so sorry with all that you are dealing with. It is hard to say the least.
Are you safe? There's a possibility that his paranoia could lead to violence, unfortunately.
Are you able to leave the house without him so you can go by yourself outside or to the pool? If so, please do, for your own mental health.
He may need to go to memory care long-term, but they will need him to be stable enough to be around other residents.
I hope someone else with experience can offer suggestions on how to get him into a hospital. If he does need to go for any physical reason, that will be an opportunity to address the mental issues.
I'm sorry to ramble but my heart goes out to you because this is so difficult for you.
I am so sorry. It starts now with solid assessment with the medical team. Keep a diary with solid incidents such as you have mentioned to us. Short and sweet notes for the doc to look at quickly. That will give an idea when, where, and how to start. I am wishing you the best and hoping you will update us.
Or as a last resort placement in a memory care.