My dad will be 87 next month. He lives alone, no POA, won't agree to letting community/aging help come in and evaluate him (they say he has to agree). He can barely walk and has CKD.
I'm one of those that's been waiting for a hospital visit to occur for years now. Hasn't happened.
I go to his house once a week to take groceries, take to bank once a month, get prescriptions etc. This week when I went there was a noticeable decline in cognition. He was trying to change the tv channel with his phone instead of the tv remote, would mumble something and I'd say "what?" and he couldn't remember what he said, he looked at his receipt from the bank and said there was more in there than there should be (makes me wonder if he's paying mortgage/bills). He's also had me start getting him pull up diapers so I assume he is becoming incontinent.
I'm kicking myself because his furnace went out a few months ago and the ONLY reason I didn't call APS then was because he agreed to let me call in people to evaluate what he qualifies for and needs so I fixed the furnace. By the time they had gotten back to me, he had changed his mind.
So I'm thinking he needs to have his kidney values checked in case it's toxins building up from the kidney disease, have a urinalysis-I can talk him into doing those two things I think. So is there anything else besides dementia if those things check out okay?
My plan is to call an ambulance when he can't walk at all (almost there) or if he gets too confused/continues to be confused and tell them it may be his kidney disease or a uti?
With APS, it would have to be like no water, no power, correct? Or will they take over for cognition issues if it gets bad enough? Right now other than the toilet being too bad for me to get clean, his kitchen and porch lights not working/electrical issue, and the steps going up to his living area falling apart (he does have functional steps inside the house to go out through the basement but he rarely uses steps anyway because he's known to fall), his house is liveable.
It's going to be a fight as he is very controlling and stubborn.
Any thoughts? I'm getting nervous because I know things are about to blow up (though I thought this for a while).
Thanks!
You're right, I did not call 911. It was Tuesday this happened, he is acting fine now and would no way cooperate with going in not to mention they would come at a time he is acting normal.
I have a message in to his doctor.
Ambulance will come and assess and will likely take him in.
If ambulance however feels he can make his own decisions according to their exam they will not take him. I would ask him if he would allow a dip stick testing (over the counter from corner pharmacy ) of his urine. See if there are signs of infection.
Now if none of this works, three options. I would easily vote for any of the three.
1. A call to APS, inform them of current status and ask for help
2. Await that call from either hospital or from Coroner.
3. Accept that ill and 87 SOMETHING will happen. Whether it happens at home or in a nursing home, giving him another 6 months of life bought at a hefty emotional price for him, doesn't really matter, does it? I am 82 and I think it doesn't.
I would ask Dad this:
1. Can we agree to a daily call in a.m. or in p.m.
2. Can I install a camera in your main room, bedroom or living room, so I know you are up, around and active.
You can only do what you can do. More and more, older I get, the more I wonder if quite honestly it matters, how, when, why and how we go, because we ARE GOING, and that's the one certainty.
He's acting normal (cognition) now but I do plan on calling 911 if I notice it again-I'm guessing there will be a next time as he declines.
In the meantime I have messaged his doctor to see about having a urinalysis and kidney bloodwork done.
He won't talk on the phone but will text so I text him at least every other day and usually daily. Thankful for his neighbors that check in on him a couple times a week too.
The EMT's would then bring the OP's dad to the ER to be checked over.
It would certainly be worth a shot with everything this poor man has going on.
I wasn't in his life other than a call or two a year (his choice as he ran off with another woman while married to my mom and his life became all about the new woman-she died of cancer tenish years ago) until a few years ago when a neighbor of his got in contact with me and my siblings saying he wasn't functioning well.
I do know APS was called about a year or so ago by a neighbor but they said they never saw them come out or heard anything else.
I've told the Aging (whatever it's called) in detail about his issues-financial, medical, house but they say he has to agree.
I'll take your replies as a wake up call.
Being in denial about your dads dire circumstances isn't going to help anyone, especially your dad.
Whether or not you have/had a good relationship with this man is a mute point right now, as he needs help NOW.
And once he's at the ER, you can let them know that you want nothing more to do with him if you want and they will have the state take over his care and get him placed in the appropriate facility.
At least you would know that he is now being taken care of and is safe.
That should at least give you a little peace of mind don't you think?
Not tomorrow, not while you wait for a possible hospital visit, but NOW!!!
Your poor dad obviously has some major issues going on and needs to be checked out and treated TODAY. He could have a UTI, or could have had a stroke, or like you said it could be the toxins building up in his body, but regardless of what is causing his issues, he needs to be checked out TODAY.
PLEASE...it's time NOW to get your dad checked out, and then make sure that he isn't allowed to return home, as NO ONE should ever live like he is living.
I hope you believe that he deserves so much better, and that you'll make sure that he gets what he deserves, and that is to live out his days being taken care of 24/7 in a clean, warm or cool(depending on season)and safe facility.
And if money is an issue then you'll have to apply for Medicaid for him.
So get off your butt and call 911 NOW!!!
You've got some kind of weird jog in your thinking about this. First you describe the issues I've included in quote marks above, and then you state that aside from those issues, the house is liveable? Those things alone make the house UNliveable. Electrical issues? BAD. Steps falling apart? BAD. Etc. BAD. Plus you took him incontinence supplies but YOU DON'T KNOW if he's actually incontinent? From what you describe, including not knowing how to work the remote, which almost certainly means that he doesn't know how to work other things that you don't know about yet, he may not be able to change his briefs himself. You need to find out if he's sleeping or sitting in his urine and feces. That is BAD and life threatening if he develops sores and infection as a result.
APS is Adult Protective Services. They protect adults from BAD things. There are lots of BAD things here and your dad is at risk NOW. Please call them and let them take care of it. You need to take care of yourself; you may be so stressed that it's begun to affect you psychologically. I hope you find help for both of you soon.