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My sister likes to explain everything to my mother and be upfront with her about everything. Mom has gotten unreasonable with just about everything and she doesn't understand the whys, when, and where's.


My sister sleeps with my mom, and consequently isn't getting enough sleep as she gets up with her throughout the night. Her blood pressure has gone sky high (she's 80 and I'm 81). I suggested she put sleeping medicine her evening juice. Yes, it would be great if she took on her own, but she's not and it's creating a lot of problems.


Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

Do they have sleeping med in a patch form? We used to put the alzl med patch on moms back so she could not remove it.
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Reply to Bubba12345
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There is so much wrong here. Starting with your sister thinking everything must be explained to a person with dementia. The constant explaining and even over-explaining only makes the demented person more agitated. Your mother isn't making the decisions anymore. You and your sister are.

Have the doctor prescribe sleeping meds in liquid form and douse her evening juice every night without telling her. Maybe mix in a little anti-anxiety medication if the doctor says it's okay.

Then your sister stops sleeping in the room with her. She's not a sick child in a hospital that you stay with 24/7. No. That needs to stop for your sister's sake as much as your mother's. By never getting a night's sleep, your sister who is elderly herself is creating the perfect conditions for elder abuse.

Hire a 'Sleep Duty' or overnight aide whose job would be to take your mother to the bathroom a couple times a night. Put a hook and latch lock on the outside of her bedroom door, use diapers at night, and give her the sleeping medication. Then lock the door so she can't wander all night. Use baby monitors.

Your sister needs to get a night's sleep or something unfortunate is going to happen.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Sleeps with her?
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Reply to JeanLouise
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I would put it in juice! Everyone needs their sleep..
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Reply to Sadinroanokeva
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Maybe try some alternative things
you tube some Calming music
herbal teas
calming smelling stuff - lots in shop
that Said
i think they call it sleep hygiene
your bedroom environment
creating conditions for healthy sleep
unless space doesn’t allow
so starters move out of mothers bedroom
tell your mother you have a virus
go sleep elsewhere if your accommodation allows
wax ear plugs are good
—-
just an additional thought
is mother sleeping throughout the day
or eating too late/watching tv too late

prob discuss with her doctor
best,
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Reply to Jenny10
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LakeErie Feb 20, 2025
None of this would make any difference to a Dementia patient.
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Just tell her the sleeping pill is a vitamin and maybe she'll take it. If not, then put it in her juice and move on with life (or sleep) in this case.
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Reply to Evonne1954
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You and your sister are incredible for being able to care for your mom at your ages. That is a big sacrifice. I had issues with my mom not sleeping well. She refused Melatonin. She takes a ton of medication. I had the doctor prescribe Lexapro to calm my mom down. Everything is ground up and mixed into a small applesauce container.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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My Mom's dementia would not allow her to sleep for any long period...I think 1.5 hours at a time seemed fantastic, then it was the bathroom, or the kitchen, then back to bed, etc. She averaged over 20 times getting out of bed at night and sometimes as many as 35 times. Then we found out that she didn't remember getting out of bed, just the fact that she was constantly tired the next day. Yet during those 20+ times of waking up, she was very aware, had good conversations, etc and even got mad because we counted it and pointed it out to her....and in the morning, remembered nothing. I called it the sleep walking, sleep talking, and sleep eating.

We asked the doctor about sleeping pills and he suggested that we stay away from them since her body could rest, and never wake up.

Your sister cannot survive on so little interrupted sleep. She's setting her body up for a self-destructive pattern.

Is there a reason why your sister sleeps with your Mom? Is your Mom a fall risk?

I would suggest you hire a night time care giver to watch over her at night, if she is a fall risk. It is expensive, however, in my Mom's case, she got to talk to someone different, find out about their lives, etc....even if she remembered nothing the next day.

It still was not easy...most caregivers think that they should be sleeping at night and my Mom being up and down all night, was basically akin to a day-shift (yes, my Mom was up and down during the day too).

My Mom didn't like the idea of the caregivers. She felt like they were being paid to just watch her sleep (they would have loved it if she all she did was sleep). However, they caught her before she fell a couple of times and it gave me the ability to sleep and shower, so it was worth the cost to pay for the caregivers. It was a long 3 years until dementia got so bad that she was fighting me and I put her into managed care...and yes, she woke up all night there too....however, there were always nurses on duty so she would talk to them.
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Reply to ChoppedLiver
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It would be ok with prescribed medication but I wouldn't do over-the-counter meds for sleep without checking with hospice or doctor first.
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Reply to Taarna
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Both your mom and your sister NEED sleep and given your mom has dementia and is on home hospice there is no reasoning or explaining to her. It’s likely she simply can’t grasp the info or concept, even though it may seem she is the same person and capable of reasoning her brain is likely not able to process. We went through this with my mom and while I was always like your sister and explained things as simply as I could, respecting Moms decisions for herself by the time she was on home hospice we were crushing the important meds, sleep and psyc up and putting in her nightly ice cream. It was in her best interest, she and yes we, suffered without them. We stopped a lot of her meds and suplament’s but those that were important to her quality of life, sleep and pain being at the top of that list, we used whatever method necessary to get in her and not telling her was not sneaky or underhanded it was kind and loving. Just as doing everything possible to make sure her caregivers are well rested. Not just sleep, though that is primary importance but breaks as well. It’s really hard but really important for the primary caregiver to take time off, away from the house and to allow others to take over for a while. I was always available by phone, it helped me and her caregiver was someone Mom loved, I trusted and we all, my brother was involved too, worked really well together. We took turns being “on” at night.
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Reply to Lymie61
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You two sisters are amazing to be doing this for Mom. See if her meds come in liquid form, and dose her juice? Hospice staff should have various ways for this problem.

Your sister cannot allow her blood pressure to spike over Mom's stubbornness and lack of sleep! Mine spiked to 160 while my Ex lived here. Once he moved out, it dropped to 114 and stayed. My Doctor was thrilled. My dark circles are gone after 2 months. I get it.

Time for sister to have a nurse come with meds, or ask Mom does she want a shot? That usually works too. Your sister is risking a cardiac event trying to be "up front" with a stubborn elder. Not the time to be up front.
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Reply to Dawn88
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I crush my mom's medicine and put it in a thick chocolate milk I get from the supermarket (whole milk so it's thicker, not fat-free). She loves that chocolate milk and never notices the medicine. I have zero problem not telling her it's in there. My job is to keep her clean, comfortable, safe, and healthy and I'm doing just that. You can't reason with someone with dementia, so I don't even try. Makes life more peaceful for us both.
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Reply to Jacquelinezr
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My mom too refuses the winding down meds. She refuses ALL meds. She says she’s been lucky and has never had to take a pill in her entire life. This couldn’t be any further from the truth bc my mom was a pharmaceutical junkie. Worst punishment of my childhood was dumping out one of those metal file boxes normally for files, but filled with meds. Any & all meds- she took them. It’s fascinating to me that in her mind she’s never been sick or general things. I just bought the neuro gum for days 🤞🏼 And distress & calm for evenings. She won’t take them so like you, I’m planning a way of adding to food/drink.
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Reply to MSalazar227
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You 2 are amazing daughters to care for mom. I can relate with my mother in law not taking meds. Not just sleep meds, but ALL meds. She lives on a memory care unit and so the nurses dispense her medications. She always refuses with the exception of maybe 2 times a week. My sister in law and I have talked about this exact thing. In a facility setting for the nurses to put it in food or drink, they require special orders. I don’t see it being an issue or needing special orders to do it at home. The BEST thing to do is speak with the doctor that prescribed that medication and ask them if it’s a safe medication to dissolve in a drink or maybe use in applesauce or pudding. The doctor might also give you other ideas on how to get her to ingest it. Or if it’s a medication that isn’t good or tastes to bad to dissolve or crush in food or drink, they might be able to prescribe something different. I want to give you a warning about citrus drinks and some medications. Orange or grapefruit juice will strengthen the effect of some medications. So please be careful with the orange juice. Also ask the doctor this question, is this medication safe to administer with orange juice. Some medications like Ativan or Xanax you cannot ingest while taking it at the time. It increases the amount of the medication in the blood.

IF the medication you are speaking of is infact Ativan(lorazepam is the generic) that medication is tasteless and can even be absorbed in the mouth if need be. But probably better to crush and dissolve (shaking the solution would be best) in about a shot glass worth of water/crystal light would be the best.

I hope you find your solution. Definitely talk to the doctor because they know best. I wish you the best!
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Reply to JooFroo
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Flavia1: Pose your question to her physician as you do not know the ramifications of it being dissolvable.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Geaton is right, the medication is often very bitter tasting, or doesn't dissolve, leaving a gritty substance that would have to be swallowed.

Try it in a spoonful of pudding, jello, or some other treat that you can push a pill into and can be swallowed all at once. Make it part of your mother's bedtime routine, a treat before bed.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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While it is good and healthy and needful for you and your sister to get your sleep, remember it is equally good for your mom. Plus a rested caregiver is more able to meet the needs of their loved one. Yes, however you can get her to take it is good for you all!
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Reply to ForWhatItsWorth
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I think the hardest part about this is that it's feels like you are betraying a trust. When I have to do this for my wife, it makes me feel sad and guilty. I guess the ends justify the means if it helps your loved one.
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Reply to GreenChile505
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Yes, put it in anything she will eat, or drink. Anything to help yourself and your sister. Explain that moms brain is broken and that she will never understand anything. We all want our parents continue as parents its hard to become the parent but this is what has to be done. I had to tell my daddy what to do in the last three years of his life - NOT EASY!! Know that I have said a prayer for you and your sister and your mom ((hugs))!
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Reply to Ohwow323
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Can’t you just tell her it’s time for her vitamin? Or something she would take?
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Flavia1 Feb 12, 2025
That's a good idea, thank you. I'll run by my sister.
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Please know that prescription medications are inconceivably bitter if they are dissolved or broken. Most manufacturers do not recommend doing this, since it affects the time-release mechanism of the medicine.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Flavia1 Feb 12, 2025
Thank for the heads up. We would of course ask hospice nurse if this is something that could be done or what other recourse is available.
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