I'm reading on here that people are asking what they should be paid to take care of their aging or ill parents.
Am I NUTS to think that it's our responsibility to take care of our parents and family?
I more than gladly took care of my Mom when she was sick and dying, my Brother when he was sick and my husband when he was sick and dying. I hated that I had to, but I did it because I loved them all. My brother is fine. But now I no longer have my Mom and my Husband.
I would gladly do it all over. I wouldn't ask for a red cent to care for any of them or anyone else I care about.
It's supposed to be my Christian duty. But that's just my belief...
I guess im just crazy. ?? ..
But is that the way it's done now? We are supposed to charge our family to care for them???
If so.. what has this world come to?
If a family member needs to make financial sacrifices to caregive an ailing loved one, their family should compensate them.
Christian charity can only go so far these days. It gets cold living under a bridge in a refrigerator box.
Some people will think you're crazy, but that's their problem, not yours.
If you are happy doing this and your recipients are happy receiving it, then continue on doing what you do.
God bless you for being so caring. And God bless those of us who come to the point where they can no longer do that kind of CG and move a LO into a care facility.
My boyfriend's 78 year old Aunt still works a full time job as a legal secretary because the needs the money. She is moving from her apartment as it has 8 steps she can no longer manage and moving into a senior facility that has an elevator.
Her apartment is pretty small. She told my boyfriend she was counting on her son to the moving for her. Her son told he could not as he could not manage the 8 steps either.
I guess the Aunt had to pay for professional movers.
It is amazing to me that the son, even if he could not manage 8 steps to help his Mom move, was unwilling to rent the Uhaul and pay some guys to help his Mom or find some friends to help his Mom WHO IS 78 years old and still working.
It is sad that the son was unwilling to help out his Mom in any kind of way AND SHE IS 78 YEARS OLD.
The Mom (my neighbor) really needs a family member to trouble shoot things but I guess the London vacation trumps looking after your Mom in time of trouble.
It was truly shocking to me that the daughter did not cancel her plans and send the husband and daughter to London without her.
In the meantime, carers still need to live, still need to pay bills and keep a roof over their head.
Sometimes the only way to do that is by becoming the paid carer of their loved one.
I think that it's also the Christian thing to not judge others. Don't pick and choose which aspects of your religion you will live by.
But, let's suppose we're all religious, and we're all Christians at that. I could swear Jesus told us to mind our own business a ton of different ways. From stories about birds that don't worry about the other birds or the next day, to literally, "Judge not lest ye be judged and by the same measure." I could also swear that he said that those who advertise that they're "good Christians" are actually hypocrites. He said that in the Sermon on the Mount. Of course, I'm not quoting verbatim but that is a pretty accurate, modern paraphrase. Oh the irony of Him saying, "do not recite long prayers" thinking that doing so proves you love God and then he demonstrates how to pray, and here we are, 2025 years later Reciting the prayer He said to demonstrate how, and Him not meaning that we should repeat his exact words, but we can't get through a single Sunday Service without doing exact what he said not to, thinking it proves we love God, using His words, to do exactly what He said not to do. It's like an SNL skit.
Man, Shakespeare did not lie when he wrote, "The devil can cite scripture for his own purpose."
I think it's great that you are able to help others with their health. Not everyone is cut out for it both mentally and physically.
I sacrifice a lot financially traveling and spending months every year but I am grateful I did not move back here. Sad to say but I wish my fathers ordeal was finally over for both our sakes. I am sick of living out if a suitcase and how much this is costing me. Neither of my parents ever thanked me by the way. So there’s that too.
I know in many cultures there is an expectation to take care of the elderly.
For myself, I failed to see the toll it would take. I really feel it's a situation by situation basis. In hindsight, I tried to be martyr and do too much. I was angry, resentful and stressed. And failed to see how damaging that was to my father. 8 years later, I still have deep regret and shame about his passing.
If I was stronger and suggested long term care, he might still be alive.
But as someone who hasn't worked in such a long time, I can tell you that most people aren't asking this question out of greed. Unless you're independently wealthy, really good at the stock market or able to work remotely, you're completely sacrificing your financial future for a parent. And even so, if you're able to do remote work, the parent might be so dependent that you won't even have time to even do that anymore. In the worst case scenario, you may become too ill or suffer such mental and emotional strain that you're unable to work.
Obviously, if people are asking about getting paid in a way that sounds slimy, I can understand your outrage. There are definitely people who don't care about their parents and are just looking for a payout. However, the average person isn't looking for a payout. If you don't have any savings, a house or some other inheritance that can be passed on or not enough social security points, you're committing financial suicide because you don't have any financial security to see you through to old age. That's especially true if you dropped out of the workforce. A guy from my state committed mass murder-suicide when his siblings tried selling off a house that he and his mother lived in before she died. They weren't looking to screw him over (they were going to share the proceeds of the sale), but he must have had so little financial security that it was as good as being thrown out into the streets.
We have tried, but failed, some better than others, for at least 15 years. She is 93 years. All of the daughters are retired and her son will retire retire soon.
I can see that caring for our parents should be our responsibility, but often our own health interferes with that goal.
The world woke up, that's what!
Should my aunt or sibling have cared for my grandma with Alzheimer's (who became violent and very mean which was 100000000% opposite from the way she was) after my grandpa died from a heart attack then?
Fast forward to now, most women need to work to support their families and if they are unmarried they definitely need to support themselves to avoid living under a bridge when they are old.
My "Christian" duty is to be sure my parents were safe and cared for but I did not feel it was my job to give up my life to be their24/7 hands on caregiver. I did the best I could for my mother and am continuing to do the best I can for my father by being his advocate at his LTC facility.
Please do not judge others because they do not come up to your so-called "Christian" standards.
I’m going to give it to my daughter and am going to include a letter expressly forbidding her from becoming my caregiver if I can no longer care for myself.
Of course, access to funds, which I have painstakingly socked away for my placement in a facility, will be included. Better yet, I will have already placed myself by that time.
Not only is taking care of me not her job, I forbid it. Period.
She will honor me by paying it forward to her own daughter.
Years ago, in some cultures this was expected. My father was famous for sacrificing people for the dirty work while he did his own thing. He was the type to have you minding the store and watching his possessions as a chosen slave. I moved out after my sister was placed safely in a group home. The placement was initiated by me because he wouldn't have done it himself. He tried that guilt trip on me because I would not sign for a large housing loan to pay off myself. He wanted to move to Florida with that pin head of a wife of his. He was religious also.
In all due honesty, I'm sick and tired of the guilt inducing religious crap that some people throw at me that ain't worth a plate of refried beans. These people are nothing more than master manipulators.
Either a troll or someone with a mental health problem too diffiicult for this site to assist with.
Make sure you do not become self-righteous and view yourself as better than others for the life decisions you’ve made. Each situation is unique and cannot be judged based on external appearances. Providing for one’s family will look different for everyone and has changed over the decades.
In Jesus’ time, the male family members were expected to provide financially for their families and oversee the care of elders. The males passed down an inheritance to provide for children and widows, not the other way around. Needing money to live and feed one’s own family does not make anyone selfish, or unworthy as a child of God.
I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through, and that you felt you had to do it all on your own to earn God’s approval. There is so much pressure to care for others, especially as women, but it is not our duty to help everyone by ourselves. That’s why we have the church community to help and support one another.
I don’t want you to feel judged for what I’ve said. I struggle with trying to do it all on my own too. I do want you to honestly question your own understanding of our duty as Christians and reassess your criticism of others who are just trying their best to survive in this difficult world.
Please take care and prayerfully consider my words.
John believed in Jesus and none of his siblings did. Well James got on board after the resurrection. His siblings probably were not at the cross and therefore not asked. He also found the relationship of faith meant more than relationship of blood saying his disciples were his brother and mother to make a point