Husband and I planned for this. MPOA and SDPOA signed 2 years ago. After initial diagnosis of Dementia unspecified. My health was deteriorating and we together discussed options. He voluntarily went into Silverado 2/8/2025. He even picked his room! He was adjusting well until MY daughter who met his once before 5 yrs ago (already a much different person) decided to encourage his delusions that nothing is wrong. ALL HIS FAMILY are supportive of me. My daughter has estranged from me withholding her daughter from me (who I cared for at least one day a week for 5 years -this is why we moved here) But wait there's more... she had interfered by helping him file a Medical Review complaint AND Adult Protective Services. The truth will come out BUT HOW LONG? He is going down quickly, refuses to talk to or see me. She has robbed me of precious time that I will never get back. I have to face the reality that I may never have a conversation with him before he dies. The week after he moved in he was calling to tell me about his days and hugging me when I visited... now this.
How is this possible? So, she's not his primary PoA, you are, correct?
Is she a co-PoA? Or a second (back-up)?
The only way she'd be his PoA now is not at all because there's a formal diagnosis of FTD. How does she even have access to him? How can she call his diagnosis into question when it was done by a neurologist? She's not his PoA so how can she ask for a review or second opinion? How does APS get called *into a facility* when there's an active PoA and a formal diagnosis? Why didn't she report the facility? Facilities are staffed by mandated reporters!
This is very confusing. There seems to be a missing piece of info because this situation makes no legal sense.
I am so sorry that is where she has chosen to go. To young or to stupid or both to know some things cross boundaries that makes everything different from here to eternity. So unfortunate for everyone in the relationship.
I would encourage you to ensure you have everything buckled up nice and tight for your time of need, God forbid.
Keep on advocating and loving your husband, you may never get to say goodbye to your husband but, he knows somewhere where his mind is, he knows the love and sacrifice this is all about.
Stay strong!
Protect your relationship you had before this Witch showed up. Who does she think she is, except a "Wanna Be" Lawyer? Why would she turn him (she hardly knows) against YOU (his 15 yr wife) unless she is after money? Maybe have Husband get some psych help to get him back on the track you BOTH selected together, before some selfish Witch chose to destroy her Mother's 15 year marriage. She knew his illness would allow her to manipulate the situation!
This cruel, indecent behavior by his Step Daughter is devastating. This is EVIL worse than I can imagine. Your daughter has serious mental instability. How would she like it if you tried to take her child away?
Don't stand by wringing your hands another day...put your foot down. Take drastic action now. You need to squash her like a bug, plus find another POA for yourself pronto. Select someone from his family as your POA, she must be removed ASAP!
You are 100% correct she is stealing time you will never get back. More valuable than any money! No telling what she will try next. Start fighting back HARD.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
We are married 15 yrs she met once in 2015(?) Then asked us to move close when she was having baby in 2020. He has been showing symptoms since right after the move. I fought for almost 5 years with his cooperation before we got a PET SCAN and cognitive testing...which showed decline but doctors would not listen to me the caregiver. We finally got to a Geriatric Doctor last August who said it was some type of Dementia either lewy body or FTD.refer to TOP neuro in area waited 3 months to see and he has no doubt that it is FTD. Husband went into care with Dementia-unspecified diagnosis. All professionals agree this will come to NOTHING.... HE does not want to see me or talk to me since she started this. I talk to staff almost daily which is how I am aware of his decline. I am in controlled supported by ALL his family Brother, sister and 2 sons and yes this relative outsider is stirring things up and wasting what time I had left to be his wife and NOT Caregiver. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this overwhelming heartache I feel. She does of course not let me see this granddaughter I have love an cared for all these years....just need someone to hear me scream.
The facility needs to know that your daughter is to be allowed ZERO communication with your husband and if she shows up at the facility, they are too call the police.
For sure she has some kind of ulterior motive. My guess would be that your daughter is looking for a payday and doesn't want to see yours and your husband's assets getting spent down on keeping him in managed care.
So you are the PoA and he has a formal diagnosis of dementia.
Your daughter -- who seems to be his step-daughter who met him only 1 time 5 years ago -- reported him to APS even though he's already in a facility (I'm assuming this is what "Silverado" is).
My first thought was to wonder if she works in the medical field. Sometimes people in the medical field do this (my own Mom was an RN for 40+ years).
Then I wondered if she's having mental health issues.
When did your daughter cut ties? You said you and your husband moved close to her and were watching your granddaughter once a week for 5 years. But you said she only met your husband once five years ago? Can you please clarify the timeline of your information?
You are your husband's PoA. I would ask your doctor to create a letter on the clinic letterhead with the diagnosis of cognitive incapacity sufficient to require the active decision-making of the PoA. I got this for my Mom and it helps a lot. You can then have this letter printed and on hand if APS comes to you with any further investigation (and maybe you should consider consulting with a lawyer).
What is MOST gut wrenching for me is that he is at end stages going down quick and these games daughter is playing has taken the precious time away from me before he is gone...that I will NEVER get back. Truth will come out in 6 months? A year? I don't think we have that long.....his "mask" is slipping and it will be most evident she is wrong. He was an EXTREMELY brilliant man before FTD.
Finances are secured by POAs. So I am handling things.
This is your HUSBAND and DAUGHTER.
The first thing I need to know is EXACTLY whose daughter is this madwoman. Is she YOUR daughter or YOUR and YOUR HUSBAND'S daughter, or your HUSBAND's daughter. Because I have never in my life heard of such a thing. And I am confused here.
#1. This isn't and outsider. It is your daughter? Am I right? YOUR daughter? (or is it HIS?)
#2. Your daughter doesn't believe the diagnosis of demenia?
Do you have letter of diagnosis of dementia? From whom?
Was daughter shown the diagnosis from a doctor?
#3. YOU are his LAWFUL POA?
#4. You are his lawful WIFE?
#5. Your daughter has contacted APS and filed that he doesn't have dementia and can leave care, and APS has seen him and AGREES? And Silverado agrees that he has no dementia, and that he entered privately by his own will. Does Silverado have his diagnosis of dementia? Does Silverado have you listed as his POA?
6. You care currently not allow to see your husband? By LAW? There is a restraining order? Or is this because APS examined hubby and said he is competent and HUBBY himself has refused to see you?
I must tell you I have never in my life heard of something like this.
I need to ask you now if you have an attorney, a hearing date, and I need to hear why your attorney thinks it is OK that a wife and POA be forbidden from seeing her husband when he has a diagnosis of dementia and she is his legal POA?
WHAT IN THE WORLD is the MOTIVATION of your daughter? Is she INSANE?
IF your husband does indeed have dementia, and he is indeed released, then I suggest to you a legal separation and division of an attorney, and leave hubby (if indeed he is diagnosed with dementia, to Darling Daughter's care.