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My SO and I hold joint general, durable financial POA for my stepdad, who has dementia. We went through a lengthy process with stepdad's credit card company to get access to his statements. His credit card automatically pays certain bills, his Instacart groceries, and other incidental needs.


Earlier this week, his house lost power and there were numerous expenses (hotel, restaurant meals, etc.), all of which were declined on his credit card, so I had to pay them on mine. I live remote from him and he has paid caregivers, so I had to pay for a separate hotel room for the caregiver on my card as well.


When we called his credit card company, they refused to speak with us, stating that we do not have POA and they suspected that our inquiry was fraud.


It's been so difficult dealing with this credit card company from the beginning to now be left unable to talk with them at all. We couldn't even inquire about possible fraud being the reason the card is all of a sudden repeatedly being declined. We're now worried that someone fraudulently put in a POA that canceled ours or that there might actually be fraudulent charges on his account that triggered the card being declined. We can call a recorded line for the balance and we know that the card is not maxed out.


Are there credit card companies that are known to more cooperative once they've approved the POA forms?

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Pay a lawyer $250 or so to write a letter to the company.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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You can go on their website and set up a password and you can view his purchases! I had to do that to make sure my husband wasn't using any of his cards! It was so frustrating to gather his debts that he made sure my name was included! $72, 000, and I had to put him on the phone to give me permission to find how much debt he put me in? I eventually got them on automatic billing or email reminders to pay! I still have no idea what the hell he thought he was doing? He has passed his dementia tests and until he totaled my car he was driving against my wishes and one of his doctors that he lied to and said he wasn't driving! Good luck! If you know all of his work history try to find out if he had 401s and what companies! He had one send a letter that he should call because they have no activity or it would go to the state lost funds! He hid that letter! We are still waiting for the check which has 1/3 taken off due to charges and fees from the state! I still have to get several more POA's while he can sign since no one will declare him incompetent! And don't be surprised if he accuses you of abuse! Been there and he thinks that pulling my hair, biting me, trying to break my fingers, wrists and toes is nothing and when I try to get away I'm abusing him? He has an outside and inside personality! Thank God I had home visit nurses record his odd behaviors! It's so hard to get real help! His psychiatrist told me to divorce him! I am sick, depressed and living off SS where am I going and how? The county wanted my daughter to take POA! She refused! She told them he's a mean, nasty liar! He's not a nice person! I asked his doctor about putting him somewhere! She said he'd first have to threaten to kill himself, get admitted to a Pysc ward and be observed for 72 hours with his lying history he'd be out! Good luck and watch your back!
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Reply to Ihave4dogs
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ShirleyDot Mar 6, 2025
This is terrible. I suggest you install some hidden cameras. There are some motion triggered cameras like Ring or Arlo. Show these to a neurologist. This sound like FTD (fronto temporal dementia) or a psychiatric disorder- either needs a diagnosis to protect you!
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I may be an expert for further advice with previous banking from employment.

The bank has to verify stepfather's incapacity for POA by his doctor’s verified medical situation to approve POAs’ access to his credit card accounts to avoid fraudulent suspicions. All arranged affair parties have to prove by all ID’s who they are they say the are by a site visit to his bank. Hopefully this credit card bank is a brick and mortar location.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Getting POA approved is never as easy as it should be. Once it is approved make sure that you have full internet access to his account.
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Reply to mikeindc
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The best option might be to cancel the card that's in his name and open up a card that is separate from your own personal finances. You can have all the automatic withdrawals for your stepdad's needs on the new card without any worry. I'm sure you know that you can always cancel a card online and still make the monthly payments.
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Reply to Gero101
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Call a lawyer pronto.
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Reply to Taarna
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I’m not directly laws your dude but in this country if you have pos you can grant whoever access to view it
then. It’s a legal matter if they don’t comply
Speak/make an appointment to the head and find out what they require and that it’s on the records
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Reply to Jenny10
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redmustardseed: Retain an attorney.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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My gosh, what a mess! How was the POA originally set up? Sorry to see the joint account problems. Contact an attorney at once for advice about this POA. You and SO need to visit his bank with the documentation to verify the credit card activity. Your SOs expenses are NOT yours. Do not send anymore payments. Can you document the fraudulent activity? If so, also file with the FTC.
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Reply to Patathome01
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This is a problem. What state are you in? Can you reach to the state elder agency for assistance? I would claim suspected elder financial exploitation. Call the bank and use that term as well. It would seem there could be an issue OR there is a poor process at the bank. I’m in fraud…. If a smaller bank this could be the case. I would say you could wage a complaint with the cfpb as banks react quickly to those complaints. It’s a great way to get traction when all else fails. But DOGE has done a number and not sure the complaint site is still active. The FTC is the next place to wage consumer complaint.

not sure where you are… Huntington National Bank has a caregiver banking product. There may be other banks with this product as well. You just need to research.
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Reply to AliceLS
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Gosh, this sounds like a total headache. I feel like it happens too often—that the family caregiver is trying to do their job and the institution’s policies or culture make things difficult. And I’ve found it’s not uncommon to feel “disrespected” or “unrecognized” by the bank as a POA.

It’s annoying, but I have had the most success when I’ve communicated with the bank through online messaging or paper letters. That way I can attach the POA document each time as a reminder that I have authority over my parents' finances. That said, some banks don’t always accept POAs for credit cards, which can make things even more frustrating.

As far as banks go, I like that online banks often make it easier to submit POA documents and gain access. There isn’t the same fuss as with brick and mortar banks. But then it’s sometimes a mixed bag for customer service—if they understand your issues or reply properly.

Brick and mortar banks are a hassle, with the appointments and forms and notarizations. But I feel like there’s always someone you can have a stern but polite conversation with in person.

In the past, I’ve shifted expenses from one credit card to another—simply because one bank was more cooperative. If your stepdad can get another credit card with a different bank, that might be an easier option for future expenses. I’ve also found that banking at the same institution as my parents helps a lot—because some banks make it easier to link POA-authorized accounts within the same online profile.

Hope that helps—the other posts have good advice too. Good luck!
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Reply to AveryHom
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I can't imagine what's happening here now.
This whole hotel expenses thing must have triggered something.
You now need to learn/find out how to present to them your POA papers. Hopefully they are good and are drawn up by an attorney. Credit card companies and banks are very very picky about everything being perfect.
So it is time to call and find out how to make a personal appointment to present your POA papers. You will ask for a supervisor. Go from there about getting an appointment.

I would also go to bogleheads.org and their Forums for better financial clues and advise on how to do this than you may get here. I have seen a whole lot of questions with few good answers and regards to credit cards and elders and even deceased elders. I had no problems with my brother's card at all; I did have to mail them my POA papers. AND I did have to sign on as "responsible party" to pay the cards. That is to say, had he run up a mess of bills I was on the line for them. And his bills were mailed to me as his POA.

Getting everything all set up as regards bills and such is a nightmare. For about a year I spent half my life on the phone five years ago. Once it was running smoothly it was running smoothly but from SS to IRS to Credit to Banks to Bills it was one Hades of a nightmare for a year. I wish you the very best of luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If you have his CC number and other of his basic info, create an online portal access to his cc account. Then you may see what activity is occurring and you may even be able to cancel the card but I would first transition any bills being auto paid to ACH withdrawals to his checking account, which I assume you are joint on or have insight/control over. If you don't have this, you need to do this asap. You'll need to take him and the PoA paperwork to his bank since most banks will not do this remotely or without the physical presence of the account holder.

Check your PoA doc to see if you have the authority to get him approved for a new card. The easiest will be a Visa through his own bank. Even my 104-yr old Aunt was approved for a Visa through her bank when all the others rejected her.

If you are able to do this, the just keep a minimum amount of money in his checking account to cover his bills. This helps mitigate losses if he is the vicim of fraud or abuse, or his own bad decisions. Hopefully he has a savings account too, where the bulk of his cash can reside, rather than his checking.

Let us know how it goes -- we all learn a lot when OPs return to give an update.
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Reply to Geaton777
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