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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My Grandma, who is 95 & my last living relative, is on the verge of Dementia and has made my life extremely difficult the last year. She has spread lies about me, defamed my character, called me bipolar ( I am not) in the town I grew up in. I stepped out of her life for a month due to dangerous allegations. During that time she fell x2. The last put her in the hosp and then re-hab, due to her knees buckling, I am her POA. One doctor told me she is having strong delusions and believes them, but is competent. Nursing home Dr told me she has dementia, the start of it, Social worker says she does not & will be discharged home. She told the hospital that a friend was her brother, and he is just a friend. It's manipulation to get home and have him fill her med minders. Something I used to do and only state-certified people can do. This is very concerning. She is blind and will not accept paid support. If she is competent, I cannot do anything for long-term placement, and I don't know what to do? Any suggestions? I can tell you, I have provided care for 9 years, and this behavior started in the last year, and each time I see her, she begins an argument. I have endured mental and emotional abuse for a year and I feel I must remove myself, to save myself. She pays anyone that does something for her with cash (grass cutting, bushes cut, house painting, etc, the problem is she is legally blind and cannot see the denominations and will not let me help her. I am her POA—any suggestions.
Sorry you’re getting mixed signals from those involved with Grandma’s care. This definitely sounds like dementia and not the beginnings of it. You’re wise to realize you need to protect yourself. Geaton gave excellent advice on resigning POA and reporting to APS, I hope you’ll follow it. I wish you peace
Did her doctor actually perform a cogntive/memory exam on your Grandma? Doesn't sound like it.
If your Grandma is having delusions and paranoia *regularly*, she is already in moderate dementia. Ideally she should be taken to a new doctor. You can tell her a therapeutic fib: that she needs to complete her free annual Medicare wellness exam (which is a real thing) in order for her benefits to continue. If she allows you to take her, you go with your PoA docs and a pre-written note explaining her symptoms and that you need her to be tested and you need a written diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by her doctor so that you can activate your PoA authority so you can operate in her best interests.
But even with active PoA it is very difficult to get a resistant and irrational elder to cooperate. You won't be able to force your solutions onto her. Your options are:
- You can call and report her to APS to make sure they know she's vulnerable and that you've been trying to help her but she won't allow it. Do not be involved with her at all and just wait until she has a medical crisis. When she's at the hospital bring your PoA paperwork. You explain that she's an "unsafe discharge" being blind and delusional and resistant to any help from anyone. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about transitioning her directly into a facility. You make sure she doesn't call anyone else to come and get her.
- you resign your PoA and call APS to report her as a vulnerable adult. The county will put her on track for a court-appointed 3rd party legal guardian and they will deal with her accusations, resistance and delusions and get her the appropriate care she needs.
I know you want to help her but the reality is that being partially involved just delays an actual solution for her. By what you describe she is doing most or all of her ADLs and somehow is managing to not start her house on fire or fall down stairs. I get that you're worried about her being financially abused. Not sure you can do anything to solve this since she's paranoid. Her world is about retaining control. As long as you are in contact with social workers and they know you've been trying to help her, then you'll have to endure the delusions and confabulations she spins about you (and probably others).
May you receive clarity and wisdom, and peace in your heart as you wait for an opportunity to step in and advocate for her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Did her doctor actually perform a cogntive/memory exam on your Grandma? Doesn't sound like it.
If your Grandma is having delusions and paranoia *regularly*, she is already in moderate dementia. Ideally she should be taken to a new doctor. You can tell her a therapeutic fib: that she needs to complete her free annual Medicare wellness exam (which is a real thing) in order for her benefits to continue. If she allows you to take her, you go with your PoA docs and a pre-written note explaining her symptoms and that you need her to be tested and you need a written diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by her doctor so that you can activate your PoA authority so you can operate in her best interests.
But even with active PoA it is very difficult to get a resistant and irrational elder to cooperate. You won't be able to force your solutions onto her. Your options are:
- You can call and report her to APS to make sure they know she's vulnerable and that you've been trying to help her but she won't allow it. Do not be involved with her at all and just wait until she has a medical crisis. When she's at the hospital bring your PoA paperwork. You explain that she's an "unsafe discharge" being blind and delusional and resistant to any help from anyone. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about transitioning her directly into a facility. You make sure she doesn't call anyone else to come and get her.
- you resign your PoA and call APS to report her as a vulnerable adult. The county will put her on track for a court-appointed 3rd party legal guardian and they will deal with her accusations, resistance and delusions and get her the appropriate care she needs.
I know you want to help her but the reality is that being partially involved just delays an actual solution for her. By what you describe she is doing most or all of her ADLs and somehow is managing to not start her house on fire or fall down stairs. I get that you're worried about her being financially abused. Not sure you can do anything to solve this since she's paranoid. Her world is about retaining control. As long as you are in contact with social workers and they know you've been trying to help her, then you'll have to endure the delusions and confabulations she spins about you (and probably others).
May you receive clarity and wisdom, and peace in your heart as you wait for an opportunity to step in and advocate for her.