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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If they have care you can trust, then it is up for your discussion with them--your parents.
If they agree to having good solid care you can check on, then I don't know that this is a matter of limiting on time. Were they in a care facility, you wouldn't ask this, so I think if you are certain of the reliable care, and are certain you can check in, and are flexible enough to know you may have to return at a moment notice, there needn't be set "time limits". Just my opinion.
Thank you for your feedback. I will clarify a bit and voice my concerns. I brought mom in 2 years ago when she broke her hip. She’s 80, dad 89. Her dementia spiraled over the following months and she could not be left alone again. She was living independently prior to the fall, thereafter100% dependent. She has gotten used to me as her primary carer. I have a lady who helps a few hrs a day & steps in when I go. My concern is each time I leave, there is setback (constipation, hair knots, white nights, hemorrhoids etc). All of these are triggers for worse dementia. (I only leave on shorter trips with my kids anymore b/c of the effect it has on her). My kids want me to join a summer trip of 2 weeks but I feel anxious leaving that long. I have considered respite but seeing that ANY change has a detrimental impact, I hesitate. i am afraid to rock the boat even more. Mom carries a lot of trauma (lost mom at 16, dad at 2) & I feel responsible for her well being. She isn’t the most cooperative & often stubborn & confused/mad as to why we are helping her. She was very independent (and still carries that)and still talks about buying a house near me so she can have her independence back. :( I know there are no easy solutions but curious if anyone has had a similar experience and can share helpful advice. Mom is probably 6 years into ALZ, dad is less advanced but weak & also confused. These trips are the only time I see all my kids together. Have any of you noticed the dementia worsen each time you left for over a week? Finding a Mary Poppins would help. Have your stubborn, ‘independent’ LO thrived in MC after leaving your home & care? Have you been able to feel ‘freer’ to leave town more guilt-free knowing they are doing ok? Thank you again. (And I have no siblings or extended family btw).
Your own immediate family (spouse, children) are the priority over your parents. This does not mean you don't love them deeply. But your kids will grow up faster than you can blink your eyes and you'll regret being side-tracked by parental care when there are viable options.
In a good, local facility you'd be able to visit them every day and worry a lot less about management, pressures, etc. I'm an only child and was up until recently PoA for my Mom and her 2 older, unmarried sisters (also no kids). I love them all but in no way could I manage providing care for them myself.
Your parents will only decline further and need much more oversight. Also, if your parents don't cooperate with the aid you've hired, this creates additional problems for you. My MIL was in an excellent, affordable faith-based facility 3 miles from my house. She was in LTC on Medicaid for 7 years and it was a great experience. Of course they are not all good but they do exist. Join Nextdoor.com to get recommendations from your actual neighbors in your community.
You aren't responsible for your parents' happiness. You didn't cause their problems and you can't fix all of them. Did your parents care for their parents? Be present for your kids now. I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you arrange your priorities correctly.
If they have the care they require to be safe then you can be away as long as you like. If you wish to travel have you given any thought to placing your parents in a facility that will meet their care needs? You might want to try placing them in a facility for Respite next time you want to take a trip. You would get an idea what it would be like. They may not fully adjust in 1 or 2 weeks but you would get a feeling as to how they would be cared for and what it would be like to slightly step back from caregiver mode and become an advocate and daughter once again,
If "they have care" as you say while you're away, what difference does it make how long you stay away? And if your life revolves around travel, why did you bring your parents in to live with you? Don't you think they would be better served in a facility where they would be around other folks their own ages, be taken care of 24/7 and where you could continue this one life you've been given doing the things you enjoy? Your parents have had their lives so why can't you have yours?
How long do you wish to be away? How did they do the last time you were away for a long time?
If they have care, what is your concern?
If you're feeling concerned even with in-home care, maybe it's time to transition them into AL or MC since paying for 24/7 care for 2 people will eventually exceed the cost of a facility, and include a lot of management.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If they agree to having good solid care you can check on, then I don't know that this is a matter of limiting on time. Were they in a care facility, you wouldn't ask this, so I think if you are certain of the reliable care, and are certain you can check in, and are flexible enough to know you may have to return at a moment notice, there needn't be set "time limits".
Just my opinion.
She has gotten used to me as her primary carer. I have a lady who helps a few hrs a day & steps in when I go. My concern is each time I leave, there is setback (constipation, hair knots, white nights, hemorrhoids etc). All of these are triggers for worse dementia. (I only leave on shorter trips with my kids anymore b/c of the effect it has on her).
My kids want me to join a summer trip of 2 weeks but I feel anxious leaving that long.
I have considered respite but seeing that ANY change has a detrimental impact, I hesitate. i am afraid to rock the boat even more.
Mom carries a lot of trauma (lost mom at 16, dad at 2) & I feel responsible for her well being. She isn’t the most cooperative & often stubborn & confused/mad as to why we are helping her. She was very independent (and still carries that)and still talks about buying a house near me so she can have her independence back. :(
I know there are no easy solutions but curious if anyone has had a similar experience and can share helpful advice. Mom is probably 6 years into ALZ, dad is less advanced but weak & also confused. These trips are the only time I see all my kids together.
Have any of you noticed the dementia worsen each time you left for over a week? Finding a Mary Poppins would help.
Have your stubborn, ‘independent’ LO thrived in MC after leaving your home & care?
Have you been able to feel ‘freer’ to leave town more guilt-free knowing they are doing ok?
Thank you again. (And I have no siblings or extended family btw).
In a good, local facility you'd be able to visit them every day and worry a lot less about management, pressures, etc. I'm an only child and was up until recently PoA for my Mom and her 2 older, unmarried sisters (also no kids). I love them all but in no way could I manage providing care for them myself.
Your parents will only decline further and need much more oversight. Also, if your parents don't cooperate with the aid you've hired, this creates additional problems for you. My MIL was in an excellent, affordable faith-based facility 3 miles from my house. She was in LTC on Medicaid for 7 years and it was a great experience. Of course they are not all good but they do exist. Join Nextdoor.com to get recommendations from your actual neighbors in your community.
You aren't responsible for your parents' happiness. You didn't cause their problems and you can't fix all of them. Did your parents care for their parents? Be present for your kids now. I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you arrange your priorities correctly.
If you wish to travel have you given any thought to placing your parents in a facility that will meet their care needs?
You might want to try placing them in a facility for Respite next time you want to take a trip. You would get an idea what it would be like. They may not fully adjust in 1 or 2 weeks but you would get a feeling as to how they would be cared for and what it would be like to slightly step back from caregiver mode and become an advocate and daughter once again,
And if your life revolves around travel, why did you bring your parents in to live with you? Don't you think they would be better served in a facility where they would be around other folks their own ages, be taken care of 24/7 and where you could continue this one life you've been given doing the things you enjoy?
Your parents have had their lives so why can't you have yours?
If they have care, what is your concern?
If you're feeling concerned even with in-home care, maybe it's time to transition them into AL or MC since paying for 24/7 care for 2 people will eventually exceed the cost of a facility, and include a lot of management.