My 87 year old mom refuses to go to her postoperative doctor visit. What can I do?

Ask for doctor at rehab facility to evaluate her for mental capacity. If she is deemed mentally incompetent - note to that effect placed in her records - then you can use your POA. Make appointment for x-rays and staple removal. Ask doctor for prescription for a mild sedative so she can be more cooperative during that doctor appointment.

Yell here you are taking her to lunch and shopping and drive her to the doctor. Afterwards, take her to lunch.

idk how many of the people who answer this question are actually dealing with someone like this.. I know people get all wrapped up in their emotions and thereby cant think rational.. The true is..death comes for us all. The truth is, they cannot be forced against their will to do anything they dont want to do..taking showers, meds, eating, and that includes getting their staples out. Untill they become too incapacitated to refuse treatment or help, all you can do is wait for that moment of incapacitation. Dementia or not..it was their choice that led them to where they are.. Dementia controls the dementia sufferer, dont let it control you..There is enough as a care giver or POA with a HCP that you actually have control over..Their state of mind is one of those things on a POA form that is non exsistent..accept it as it is, and they will eventually pass..maybe sooner than later..Sooner if the infection sets in.. If my response is Too Cold hearted for some of you..Tuff..My dad has vascular dementia, and is one tuff SOB. And the worst of his traits has come out as this whole thing progresses.. He refuses his meds, medical treatments, appointments etc.. Im running his entire life as if he was sane, as well as running my life. I did not ask for this, I'm the only surviving member of the family and we all legally immigrated here from the old world many years ago..and Im not whining, or complaining about this. He has been in controll of his life for his entire life.. I put him in a memory care facility after his last excursion in his car and he did not know where he was, and that is where he will stay.. The reason for this was that the damn hospital said that he could not go home and they needed a safe discharge plan..which meant some nursing home that will bill his medicare for 100 days. And when it runs out, then they hit you with the threat of guardinanship, and seizing his assets to pay for it.. Thats when the POA comes in handy if it was filled out correctly.. So, he's in a memory care facility tha I found for him and hes not driving his car on a suspended license and risking hittin some kid in da bronx or is gonna be laying in the gutter having his pockets picket thru because he ran out of breath just walking a few blocks and passing out... With the POA, I sold his house, cars, rehabed his apt building, etc..Took over his entire life..that was the result of his POA. He accuses me of everything one can think off..Called lawyers, cops (yes, he has a phone in his room that i put their so he can make calls) and threatend to put me in jail etc..whatever..He thinks he is healthy, wants to rip out his pace maker..Yeah, he is correct..he is healthy..He is 17 yrs old in an 86 yr old body with a brain that looks like a star chart from all the white spots...So, to answer your question on "what can be done"..All you can do is watch..Make a choice.. And that choice should be the one that you actually have controll over, which is to make sure that they/he/ she are comfortable as a result of their actions Not your action, not the drs actions..their actions..and let it go the way its going to go. God Bless the nursing home staff for the work they do dealing with people like my dad. They are Truly a Blessing from God

Thanks for letting us know that she went. You must be so relieved, and so am I on your behalf.

Kalamazootx1: I am glad to read that your mother saw her physician.

Thanks, Kala, for updating us that Mom saw the doc. That's good news!

Is there a favorite restaurant that you rarely take her to? Maybe you can set up the appt, then tell her you want to take her to that restaurant, but only after she goes to the doctor appt...?

Obtain an ombudsman to talk with your mother to get sense into her.

This might not seem a helpful answer but… book the medical transport you need. Arrange for Nursing Home staff to have your Mom ready as best they can.
Don’t mention any of this to your Mom. Turn up on the day and say”Mom, we’re off to a hospital appointment “. Don’t ask her. Don’t use any question forms. Often people in your Mom’s situation, if asked, will say “No!”. Just say that you are going and go.
So sorry if this over simplifies a more complex situation but it does sometimes work.

My father lives in Mesa, AZ. He had an ultrasound at the house last week to rule out blood clots. He had an xray of his chest yesterday AT HIS HOUSE!
IF you live in a metropolitan area AND the state you live in supports "out of pocket" items like in-home care and PT etc. then there are companies that come into the home and nursing facilities etc. We have an in-home care nurse that comes once a month - more often when needed and "orders" the xrays etc.

Can you speak with surgeon and maybe get her a sedative to make her more compliant to getting into the wheelchair? She needs to get to the appt. Talk to the nursing home facility and ask for advice on how they manage difficult residents that refuse help? I am sorry. This sounds so frustrating.

Switch to home health care. They come to her. Medicare pays fully. Just call any in your area and enjoy the simplicity, the great response, and best of all, the end of the argument!!!

This is the run around crap you get all the time. You have an elderly person who is sliding into dementia but all these legal issues of I don't want to get sued. Or the people who think she seems well enough she is sharp as a tack after a 30 min visit. They don't deal with the sundowners, the mood swings etc. I don't want to do this or that. I won't go. You can't make me blah blah blah. Meanwhile you fear being accused of neglect or abuse. The GP who has been your parents doctor for years won't help. He/she throws it back in our lap to figure out. You try to be the loving child. You tell your own mom/dad you are my mom/dad I love you I am trying to do what is best for you. It doesn't even register with them as their brain can't process those emotions anymore.

Kala, I read your responses below that EVERYONE involved here says you cannot get your mother into care to get these staples out.
THEY ARE WRONG.

They are wrong. If she is so demented that she doesn't understand that staples cannot stay in then she is demented enough that YOU as POA take over for her own safety. So the nursing home is wrong.

I honestly cannot imagine a surgeon who is this medically NEGLIGENT and I don't use that word--as a nurse--lightly. You can tell him I said so. He is endangering the life of his patient by taking no action whatsoever.

So now you are down to calling EMS and getting your mother loaded into the ambulance and transported to ER. They will remove her staples and assess the wound and she will be discharged back to her nursing home. This will come at a cost, likely of 5,000 plus as this is NOT an emergency, tho as you can imagine it will become one when infection sets in, she gets sepsis and dies.

This isn't a time to let people stand around and be wishy washy which EVERYONE HERE is currently doing.
The staples need to be removed and every day they are now in is dangerous.
The physician need to be told you cannot bodily get mother in and that the staples represent a danger of infection leading to sepsis leading to death for which HE WILL BE RESPONSIBLE.

As to mother, if there is even a dim glow present you need to tell her that she IS going in and she is going IN the day of appointment whether you have to call an ambulance or not, and that her not cooperating could lead to her DEATH BY SEPSIS.

This nonsense needs to be stops. Sounds like an absolute merry-go-round of silliness on everyone's part, and is endangering this woman if it goes on.

Hope you will update us. You are going to need to be now reading the RIOT act to all involved.
If even that doesn't work?
Then tell Mom you wash your hands of her and when she is ready to cooperate and go to get the staples removed you will be back; and until THEN, you will NOT participate in her life in any way. Given she is ready to throw it away, she may be able to understand that.

What a tough situation because those stables need to be removed. It doesn’t need to be the surgical doctor or nurse but I imagine no one wants the liability. Do you have any mobile urgent care companies your area? She could also be transported on a stretcher, especially if it’s the sitting up in the wheelchair she’s concerned about, which of course could be very uncomfortable. What reason is she giving or does it seem to be more of a dementia issue?

I read your answers below. You must be beyond frustrated. I guess your mother has just decided to be bedridden for the rest of her life. Have you told her that this will be the consequence of her refusal?

Do you know why she is refusing? Has she been stubborn and obstinate all her life, or is this something new? Is she confused or anxious or depressed, in which case some medications might help clarify things for her?

I believe that all nursing facilities have their own transport van for such things as doctors visits, so set it up with your moms facility to transport her to the doctors office and let them know that you will meet her there.
And if for some reason your moms facility doesn't have a van you can call an ambulance company to have her transported to her doctors and again you can meet her there.
Your mom no longer gets a say in what she will or won't do, as you now have to be the adult and do what is best for her.

I agree with Alva. See if a nurse can come out. If not, arrange for a medical transport and have the staff (not you) settle her into it. You can then ride along or follow in your car. Good luck!

Now is the time to call her doctor and explain to HIM/HER this problem. The doctor involved will have much better answers than a Forum of strangers.
In some cases an RN can be sent for wound assessment, check on everything and remove staples. In other cases there will need to be medical van pickup to take mom to her appointment.

And naturally you will need to explain to Mom that removal of staples is NOT A CHOICE. It must be done.