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She is fine just laying in bed and having my 82 year old father change her diapers. My dad and I are sick of her not doing anything. Her caregiver quit after 3 weeks.


My question is this: what are my options? My dad can't take care of her and I work 8 hours a day. We want her out of the house.

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"We want her out of the house.."?
Then place her in care. She requires several shifts with several workers each now.
Dad should consult an attorney about division of assets so his own funds aren't used for her care; he will soon enough require his funds for his own care. Then Mom can be placed in ALF or MC facility or Nursing home.

Can you think of any other option? I certainly can't. Anyone who is allowing themselve to be bedridden, or is UNABLE to avoid it, and to deal with incontinence to this extent is no longer capable of being "reasoned with". Nothing here will change. The trajectory is downward and your father could well lose his own life to attempting 24/7 care to someone so needy.

So sorry you are facing this now.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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JuliaH Feb 21, 2025
Good advice about separation of assets, facilities cost so much!! With the situation at hand, AL is probably out of the question. MC or NH would be the ones who change her diapers. She won't do it,caregiver quit.
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Does mom have dementia? If not, why is she lying in bed allowing her husband to change her briefs?? Why is she not getting up to use the toilet?? Is she depressed? You offer few details and no profile info, so it's hard to give you decent advice. If she's just being lazy, and you've explored dementia and depression and they've been ruled out, I'd tell mom to clean up her act or you'll move her into AL where she'll be expected to toilet herself.
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cover9339 Feb 22, 2025
Convenience for her, and she can feel like a queen, knowing she has people at her beck and call.
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confused, you posted your post on 2/17/25, yet said your mom broke her ankle in September and has been home for a month now? Time frame doesn't make sense. Putting that aside, as other's commented, we don't have enough info to make suggestions. Has Mother always been a difficult person, or is this behavior new since the fall? Can she now walk on that ankle/foot? Is incontinence new to her, or another result of the fall? How old is your mom and what is her general health condition minus the broken ankle and lack of bathroom independence?
Is she willing to discuss going into a care facility? Why did her caregiver quit? Do you live in the house too?
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Reply to Jannycare
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Even without dementia, the fact she is incontinent, immobile, unable to do self care or cook can qualify her for SNF. Then you and dad can get peace of mind and you can have good visits with her
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KPWCSC Feb 21, 2025
It has been my impression you have to have a medical need for SNF. What you are listing is ADLs. I could be wrong but I think Medicaid's Community Care would help pay for her to stay at home if she qualifies but maybe not SNF.
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What reason does Mom give for staying in bed ?
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Reply to waytomisery
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coachsdaughter: If you "want her out of house," place her in a managed care facility.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I would have her take a cognitive/memory test. Then I would explore the possibility that she has depression. Has she been to rehab/PT? If not, why not?

For now get her checked by her primary doctor, then hire an aid to do the dirty work.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Talk with her doctor about skilled nursing placement.
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