Mom lives with me and has been experiencing dementia symptoms for about 5 or 6 years. She has been in denial about it and therefore has refused to be evaluated. The last few months she has quickly deteriorated. She started talking about going home which is the home I grew up in. I know it’s more about the fact that she misses my dad who has been dead for 30 years. Last Friday morning I woke up to her screaming at 5 am that she wanted to go home. She had been up because she took every picture off of her bedroom walls, started packing her stuff and taking it downstairs. I tried everything to redirect…nothing worked. When she finally found keys and was going to take my car, I called 911. It was determined her blood sugar was high…she agreed to let me take her to the er. They did CT, checked for infections she was clear. Her kidney functions were high and her blood sugar was wildly out of control. They admitted her to get her kidney functions in the normal range and get her on a good schedule with her insulin. While in the hospital she experienced delusions and this was the first time she ever hit me.She was released Sunday and all was good for a day and 1/2. Today she has suddenly started distrusting me. I have a feeling she didn’t take her morning pills because she keeps thinking I’m trying to do something to her. She said she thought I killed my dad and that I brought her to this house she doesn’t know because I was hiding out. I’ve been watching her blood sugar like a hawk and made sure she did take her evening pills which included 25 mg seroquol. I called her doctor and they are adjusting meds. My question is how do you all deal with the roller coaster? I never thought I would want to put her into memory care but don’t know if I can keep handling this. What led to your ultimate decision to place your loved one? I am an only child and I feel like I’m going crazy. How do you deal with feeling so bad for her and hating her at times…or hating this person she is now? I know she can’t help it but she gets so very nasty.
Most of us think we will learn to cope with our dementia loved ones, but we find out that it was an unrealistic hope. Then we become grateful that there are places where they will be understood, managed, and cared for by people we would have once considered strangers. My husband is in memory care now. He's made friends there, and they all have difficulties similar to his. They enjoy each other, look after each other, and stimulate each others' interest in what's going on around them.
Memory care is not perfect, but it is better for everyone than fighting an ongoing battle at home. That isn't the best care for our loved ones, nor is it good for us.
Do what YOU have to do to make life bearable. Dementia only gets worse with time, never better. Mom got excellent care from "her girls" in MC and if I had it to do over again, I'd do it the same way.
Best of luck to you.
This happened last year when my nephew ( in PA ) , asked to have my sister tested . They told him , he would have to do that as an outpatient at a neurologist office , which my sister had already been refusing . The hospital didn’t care that she had been refusing . Nor did they care that my nephew was having to leave her home alone so he could go to work .
The hospital’s goal is discharge them home when they live with someone .
Also, the OP will have to give mom her insulin/diabetic meds to keep her level. That will also help a lot.
Start looking for a facility, in the meantime if she hits you again call 911, people with dementia can do most anything.
It is up to you to bring peace back into your life, she will continue to get worse, do what is best for the both of you.
Sending support your way,
When you had her at the hospital that was the perfect time to address that.
Next time, do so. You will need to refuse to take her home unless she is evaluated by neuro psyc.
I would call her doctor tomorrow and discuss this, and discuss ways to get her in for evaluation.
Are you the POA because if her descent into dementia is now complete you won't be able to get POA.
Time to call APS if you cannot get her into hospital for evaluation.
You may need to make her a ward of the state and have them take over so she can be evaluated, placed, and her funds managed, as this apparently has not been done in a timely manner. To get guardianship would be both costly, complex and difficult, and no judge would ever let you out of it should you want to resign in the future, so I highly recommend against being her guardian.
My mother’s geriatrician was more worried about me than Mom . She told me there often comes a time when a parent with dementia can no longer be taken care of by family , They don’t want to be told what to do from their ( adult ) child .
You don’t need permission to place your Mom . I also think you already know you are done . Start lining up memory care .