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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Hello. My mom is 83. Has a fall in November and broke a vertebrae and had surgery . Also a tracheostomy which has now been removed and she’s currently in a rehabilitation facility. She hasn’t been home since the fall but when she’s discharged, I’ve decided to take her to my home and look after her . Im moving a close friend in with me to help me. He has experience with home care , being that he took care of his grandmother and a couple of other people . My mother’s been eating very little at the facility and supplementing it with protein shakes . I understand this is normal from my reading here , but is it something to worry about looking bad to visiting nurses or a future er visit ? What I mean is that as long as I’m doing my best , and consult experts , including her friend who herself is a retired doctor and has been very involved since the fall, is there any cause for concern about legal issues like being accused of neglect ? im making a lot of sacrifice taking her home and Ai chat seemed to think that even doing your best you may still be accused of neglect if the person in your care isn’t eating . Please tell me this is nothing to worry about .
Clearly something happened during that surgery that complicated things--I say that because of the trach. And clearly Mom isn't now thriving. She lived alone before, and was? She's my age. Sounds as though there is now some problems ongoing. What has her doctor told you about: A) diagnosis B) prognosis And how does your MOTHER feel about this drastic change to her life. Is your mother competent? Does she feel exhausted with life? Would she like palliative care or Hospice care? The later would be a help to you. Your intention to take care of your mother in home now should include a visit with an elder law attorney. There should be a POA, there should be a care contract for shared living expenses (not rental which is taxable). You should understand clearly--both yourself and your mom--that this is going to mean a downward trajectory and that when it isn't working for one of you then she should consider placement.
I can't know your goal here. Is it to support mom hoping she can be independent again? Is it to support mom until she dies.
You are taking yourself from being a DD as say here (darling daughter) into the realm of being a caregiver. Those are two different things and no one likes caregivers. They manage, they direct, they suggest, they insist, they make appts. you don't want to keep, they manage you diet, and etc. Your relationship with mom is about to change and drastically and if you've been around on this Forum you have seen this first hand described over and over again.
Worry about accusations of abuse? I cannot imagine where that even comes from. It is now legal for patients to refuse to eat at all and to arrange their final exit via VSED (voluntarily stopping eating and drinking) attended by family. Abuse is not addressing after finding decubiti, leaving an elder who cannot be alone all by him/herself, thus endangering him, stealing his/her funds.
I think I can just recommend you google "What is Elder Abuse" to get some ideas of what you DON'T want to miss, but I simply cannot imagine how or why you might suspect yourself capable of abusing your mother. Discuss this with the doctor, please. Discuss also palliative care, and what prognosis you can expect. Forcing a person to eat or drink is not required of any caregiver. When you are overly worried about weight loss you will ZOOM or call or visit the doctor. I wish you the best of luck. Please know going in that you are TRYING this. Not that you are DOING this. You need to give yourself room to maneuver.
Has the rehab doctor said anything about failure to thrive?
This is what it is called when someone is not eating enough, drinking enough or getting any stronger or having any improvement.
I would want to know if that is what is happening, because, she will likely go downhill if that is the case and you should prepare for that.
My step dad died with bedsores and malnutrition, my mom was not questioned about anything, he was being taken care of best as could be expected with his medical diagnosis. That's why I ask, if the doctors aren't seeing this I would get a second opinion just to ensure the trajectory of her care needs and physical limitations.
May The Lord give you strength, wisdom and courage for this new season of life and your caregiving journey.
Highly doubtful anyone would ever accuse you of neglect over mom’s eating habits or waning appetite. Has mom had a swallow study to ensure food is safely going to right place and she’s not at risk of aspiration? That might be a good idea to mention if it’s not been done already. Otherwise you can follow her lead, offering her food but not insisting she eat what she doesn’t want. A home health nurse will only take vital signs and briefly check in. Big signs of neglect would be more like bedsores. Know the falls will continue as they’re sadly inevitable, hopefully they won’t always result in breaks or damage. I wish you well as you take on this challenge, mom is blessed to have you
I’m a little confused by this question. I haven’t read as much on here as many people. Who do you think is going to be accusing you of neglect?
Just my experience, I’ve been my mom’s advocate and point person for years and 24/7 care for 18 mos. Anyone with elder experience understands the eating issues, including flat out lack of hunger. The worst anyone has ever said to me was “Try to get her to eat more” and that was years ago. I asked that dr exactly how I should do that, what exactly I could do that I was not already. That shut her down.
My mom is on home hospice, has been for over a year and is down to 75 lbs, No one has ever even hinted I might be neglecting her. If your overall level of care is good I think there should not be issues and it sounds as if you’ll be very good at it and have people already in your corner.
Sometimes sites like this are good places for advice but can overwhelm you with all the bad. I try to remember the old retail adage “A happy customer will tell one person, an unhappy customer will tell 10 people”. No relationship is perfect and my mom and I have had issues but with help we’ve resolved them and carried on. This is difficult, demanding work but overall I’m still happy that I’m able to do it. Yes, I have bad days but the good far outnumber those.
I wish you the very best in this journey and remember that very few people come here to tell happy stories but they are out there.
I understand the lack of happy stories/customers here. In my experience as a caregiver there has been almost no support from the medical community. It seems that caregivers are to become experts immediately in: health, legal issues (family/state), family dynamics, money/estate management, and problem solving at every level of care. It gets to be really hard to do all of that, especially if one is working, has children, spouse/significant other, and often no outside support or help. I've read the submissions here and the general need for more help, being overwhelmed is so consistent. Often folks try to convey this to non-caregivers and hit the proverbial brick wall of non interest, or the blanket statement "you need to take care of yourself" which can be challenging to do. So, we come here, commiserate about the challenges of caregiving. It ain't pretty, it ain't always nice, but it's real, and it's real to us.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A) diagnosis
B) prognosis
And how does your MOTHER feel about this drastic change to her life.
Is your mother competent? Does she feel exhausted with life? Would she like palliative care or Hospice care? The later would be a help to you.
Your intention to take care of your mother in home now should include a visit with an elder law attorney. There should be a POA, there should be a care contract for shared living expenses (not rental which is taxable). You should understand clearly--both yourself and your mom--that this is going to mean a downward trajectory and that when it isn't working for one of you then she should consider placement.
I can't know your goal here.
Is it to support mom hoping she can be independent again?
Is it to support mom until she dies.
You are taking yourself from being a DD as say here (darling daughter) into the realm of being a caregiver. Those are two different things and no one likes caregivers. They manage, they direct, they suggest, they insist, they make appts. you don't want to keep, they manage you diet, and etc.
Your relationship with mom is about to change and drastically and if you've been around on this Forum you have seen this first hand described over and over again.
Worry about accusations of abuse? I cannot imagine where that even comes from. It is now legal for patients to refuse to eat at all and to arrange their final exit via VSED (voluntarily stopping eating and drinking) attended by family. Abuse is not addressing after finding decubiti, leaving an elder who cannot be alone all by him/herself, thus endangering him, stealing his/her funds.
I think I can just recommend you google "What is Elder Abuse" to get some ideas of what you DON'T want to miss, but I simply cannot imagine how or why you might suspect yourself capable of abusing your mother.
Discuss this with the doctor, please. Discuss also palliative care, and what prognosis you can expect.
Forcing a person to eat or drink is not required of any caregiver. When you are overly worried about weight loss you will ZOOM or call or visit the doctor.
I wish you the best of luck.
Please know going in that you are TRYING this. Not that you are DOING this. You need to give yourself room to maneuver.
This is what it is called when someone is not eating enough, drinking enough or getting any stronger or having any improvement.
I would want to know if that is what is happening, because, she will likely go downhill if that is the case and you should prepare for that.
My step dad died with bedsores and malnutrition, my mom was not questioned about anything, he was being taken care of best as could be expected with his medical diagnosis. That's why I ask, if the doctors aren't seeing this I would get a second opinion just to ensure the trajectory of her care needs and physical limitations.
May The Lord give you strength, wisdom and courage for this new season of life and your caregiving journey.
Just my experience, I’ve been my mom’s advocate and point person for years and 24/7 care for 18 mos. Anyone with elder experience understands the eating issues, including flat out lack of hunger. The worst anyone has ever said to me was “Try to get her to eat more” and that was years ago. I asked that dr exactly how I should do that, what exactly I could do that I was not already. That shut her down.
My mom is on home hospice, has been for over a year and is down to 75 lbs, No one has ever even hinted I might be neglecting her. If your overall level of care is good I think there should not be issues and it sounds as if you’ll be very good at it and have people already in your corner.
Sometimes sites like this are good places for advice but can overwhelm you with all the bad. I try to remember the old retail adage “A happy customer will tell one person, an unhappy customer will tell 10 people”. No relationship is perfect and my mom and I have had issues but with help we’ve resolved them and carried on. This is difficult, demanding work but overall I’m still happy that I’m able to do it. Yes, I have bad days but the good far outnumber those.
I wish you the very best in this journey and remember that very few people come here to tell happy stories but they are out there.