My mom has vascular dementia. She is still in the early stages of the disease, but suffers from paranoia, delusions, and has no short-term memory.
She gets fixated on her hair stylist. Her first noticeable symptoms that something was wrong was that she started accusing my dad of cheating on her with the stylist. Along with the cheating accusations, I found her having conversations with herself as though the stylist was in the room with her and she was implying that the stylist was her daughter and would be giving her dating advice. Whenever I call (once a week) and visit (every other week) she will ask me how the stylist is doing and sometimes calls my sister the hair stylist's name.
My mom misplaced her purse a couple of weeks ago, and my dad found it, but before he found it, he thought she lost it at a mall they frequent. The hair stylist's studio is also located at the mall. Her brain has interpreted my dad thinking that she left her purse at the mall that her hair stylist has her purse.
I'm visiting for an extended period of my time while my dad is out of town for and work, and my first day here, she asked me if the stylist had given me her purse. My off the cuff response was that we thought the stylist had it, but found it in the house.
I thought that was the end of the it, but the next day she said that the stylist put the purse in the trunk of my car. I reiterated that we had found the purse in the house, but that we could check the trunk of my car. We checked, no purse, and that satisfied her -- for a couple of days.
Last night at dinner she asked me to please take her to her hair stylist so that she can get her purse. I lied and told her she doesn't work on Thursdays.
This morning at breakfast she said, "you are taking me to get my hair cut today, right?" (no mention of the purse). I told her the stylist called last night and she's sick so we will have to reschedule the appointment (that she didn't have to begin with).
I'm hoping someone has been through something similar before and can offer guidance. She's been seeing this stylist once every three months for about 10 years. Is her fixation on her "normal"? What are ways I can handle it better? I don't want to break one of the few routines she has left, but should I consider taking her somewhere else for haircuts?
Note: I went to the spot where my mom normally keeps her purse so that I could physically present it to her in case she brought it up again, but she misplaced it again and I haven't been able to find it.
2) when she starts up again, hand her some towels to fold and tell her you need some help with that.
Oh and put a tile or an AirTag in her wallet so you can ping it.
As far as losing her purse goes, good luck. It's one issue after another when dementia is at play. Literally. They hide things for safe keeping then forget where they hid it, and then blame you for stealing it. It's the natural progression of a very ugly disease.
Best of luck to you.
The things you are mentioning is the face of the disease.
The things you are mentioning are dealt with one at a time until quite honestly there is no dealing with them at all and placement is the only option.
Your father is apparently doing well if he is still traveling and working. But his absences will likely exacerbate her delusions.
I think it is time for you and Dad to discuss placement for your mother, don't you?
I am wishing you both good luck. Honestly, in the last 5 years here I think there's no story I haven't heard more than once.
And there is no "answer" to dealing with dementia. The trajectory is DOWNWARD inexorably.
I'd tell Mom the stylist moved 2 states away, or retired.
I love the Air Tag idea. That would save so much time and trouble!
As for her purse, she can't be allowed to carry credit cards, cash, or her valid ID in her purse anymore. No more of that. Even at home. Whoever is taking her out now has to look after her money and things. Fill her wallet with things like points cards that different stores use or those phony credit cards that companies send in the mail because they want you to call about an offer. They look like real credit cards. You or your father now holds onto her ID, credit cards, and money because she can't be responsible.
Also, when a person gets fixated in a dementia loop, it's best to just ignore them. Answer once or twice then just refuse to discuss the topic any further because that just fuels the fire.
anti-anxiety med could do wonders for her.