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Looking for advice from any of you who have had a similar problem. Dad, age 95, is getting very hard to wake up. We have tried Trazodone in two dosages and none at all. He is currently taking 50 mg of Trazodone to help him sleep through the night. (Without it he's wakeful for several hours in the middle of the night and rummages through things, some of which he breaks or puts away in new places.) He goes to bed around 9 pm but is hard to wake up before 1 pm the next day.


We started trying to get him up around 11 am, but he is grumpy and insists on staying in bed. He lives with Mom in an assisted living facility. She is up early, dressed, goes down for breakfast. When he finally does wake up, he is confused and wants to know where she is.


We'd like to have the nursing aides make a plan to wake him up for sure at 11am, make sure he gets dressed, and joins Mom for lunch. But he is very angry about being wakened by anyone. I (daughter) am usually able to cajole him, but it takes a good hour or more. Any advice from anyone who's had this issue would be appreciated!

Why? He's 95. If he needs to sleep, let him sleep. Your mother can bring his lunch up to their unit to have when he wakes up.
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Reply to MG8522
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I'm on the let him sleep train. Why would you want to wake him up when he's so grumpy when you do?
At 95 and with Alzheimer's he deserves to sleep as long as he wants. He will eat if and when he wants.
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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With his condition and age 95….I’m surprised a regular AL is able to accommodate his needs. I might lean more to accommodating his needs, by letting him sleep as much as he needs to. I would focus on making sure he’s comfortable.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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No way I’d be attempting to wake him. There’s a reason his body is craving sleep. His age and medical condition will mean increasing sleep until a final decline is underway. Make plans for that instead. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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SueZ1250 Mar 7, 2025
I see this with my Dad in memory care. I used to tease him and say "I'm leaving...I'm not here to watch you sleep!" Now I do watch him sleep a bit before I leave, cause now that's all I have. :(
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Giving the man Trazodone and then expecting him to wake up cheerful by a certain time is absurd! I took that medication a few times myself, when I was younger and had no disease at play, and all I wanted to DO was sleep! Your dad has AD and he's 95 and he's taking sleep meds! Expect that he's going to want to sleep. A lot.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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My husband has a faster moving form of dementia-FTD. He likes to sleep. I'm ok with this. My point of view is his brain needs the rest to recover from what must have been a very challenging day.
It takes over an hour to get him up and ready for late afternoon doctor's appointments. Any appointments, outings, are always after 1pm. He simply does not function well if he has to be up before 9am.
It's easier to work with his schedule than to enforce what doesn't. There are so many other issues to deal with now, best to be flexible.
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Reply to Ariadnee
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As my Husband declined he went from sleeping a "normal" 8 to 10 hours at night to sleeping 16 or so then it went to 20 then the last year he was probably sleeping close to 24 hours, he would wake briefly to eat and he would be awake for a shower.
Sleeping longer is one of many signs that Hospice will use when a patient is recertified for Hospice.
With increased sleep he may miss meals so keep things like fruit, yogurt and other snacks in the apartment. Monitor for weight loss.
If you think he may qualify for Hospice I would have him evaluated. (Hospice is not just end of life my husband was on Hospice for almost 3 years)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I see two things here.
1. We use melatonin 10 mg. instead of trazadone. That works well for sleeping through the night. So you might want to try a variation on the meds.
2. Why insist he get up? Is this for him or for you? Why put rules on an elderly person like having to get up, get dressed, go to table? Leave him alone and give him the respect you want when you need to sleep in. Let him live out his life in peace.
Sometimes we have ideas how things should be. That is so wrong. Let things be as they are. Let a person be themselves. Stop pushing societal norms on anyone. There should be no expectations. Just love him and leave him alone.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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So, you're giving him the trazodone so he'll sleep through the night instead of being active when everyone else is asleep. Is it working for that, or is he still getting up at night?
If he's sleeping through the night but also sleeping too long in the daytime, then talk to his doctor about either reducing the trazodone again or finding a different med (like melatonin or gabapentin).
If he ISN'T sleeping through the night, you still need to talk to his doctor about other options.
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Reply to Questor
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Yeah, I don't think you're going to fix this one. Play with the dose some more to give him just enough to not wake up through the night....other than that, I say let him sleep.

Glad your mom is not waiting around on him to start her day.
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Reply to Jamesj
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